Before we fall, p.14
Before We Fall, page 14
“Now, Sheriff, that sounded like a threat,” Greg says a cold smile on his face.
“It’s not a threat, Rat Boy,” Ben replies, his voice cold as steel. “It’s a fucking promise.”
Greg stands and looks at him, then he surprises me because he walks away very calmly and at an even pace. He doesn’t even spare me a second glance. I turn to watch him, not moving, half expecting him to turn back and try to spew more poison.
“Junie, Baby, give me your weapon,” Ben says, his voice so tender that I jerk from the force of it. He’s holding out his hand, and it’s only then that I realize I’m still holding my stun gun. I’m holding it out, my body trembling all over, and belatedly I realize there are tears running down my face. “Give me the gun, Baby,” Ben repeats, and my hand drops down, the muscles sore from the way I had them tightened and tense for so long. I hand him the gun and his strong hand clasps overtop it and takes it away. He lays it on the table, where the next thing I know, I’m in his arms. That’s when the tears increase, almost as much as my trembling.
“He’s back, Ben. He’s coming back to torture me again,” I tell him between gulping breaths as the sobs begin to roll. Ben sits down in my chair and pulls me into his lap to rock me, doing his best to soothe me.
“He won’t do anything, Junie. I’m right here. I told you, Baby. I’ll always have your back,” Ben murmurs against my ear. I close my eyes and let Ben’s presence soak in. I’ve missed him so much.
“I’m sorry, Ben. I’m so damn sorry,” I tell him, doing my best to slow my tears, but not doing a great job of it.
“It’s all okay, Junie. I’m right here, Baby,” he says, and he just holds me, his hand brushing against my hair and my back. “I’m right here.” I stay in his arms, letting the tears fall, and faintly I hear, “Oh, Baby, what did you do to your hand?” Ben’s voice is mournful, and I look down as he unfolds my fingers to reveal my bloody palm.
“I’m okay,” I tell him.
“You hurt your hand.”
“I’m okay,” I repeat. The words sound shaky, but maybe that’s because I am trembling uncontrollably.
“You’re magnificent,” Ben croons, kissing my forehead. “Magnificent.”
I don’t know why, but I think he really believes that…
Chapter Thirty-Three
Ben
“Are you okay?” I ask Junie, for what is probably the millionth time.
After the showdown at Carl’s, I took Junie to the bar so she could meet with her contractor. It took a long time to finalize the work that needed to be done this week. Next, we drove to the station and June hung in my office while I caught up on work. We had dinner at Cliffside and when she went to the restroom, I called her brother.
Lodge was as pissed as I was that his sister was dealing with shit without letting us know, but he promised to call in some favors and track exactly where this fucker is staying and what he’s doing. Junie told me he was in New Hampshire playing for Ryker Lane, but something about that sets off warning bells for me. I guess we’ll know soon enough if I’m right, but I’m a big believer in gut instinct.
I’ve purposely kept the conversation light and avoided quizzing her on Rat Boy. Junie’s had enough for now, and I need to work things out in my brain. I have to keep some walls up between us for now, and that’s fucking hard to do.
“You keep asking me that,” Junie says, giving me a smile that doesn’t touch her eyes.
“That’s because you haven’t answered,” I remind her.
“You should’ve let me drive home. My car will be at Carl’s now, and I need to be at the club early in the morning.”
“I’ll take you,” I volunteer immediately. I could tell her that one of my men will be bringing her car over, but I don’t. The truth is, until we figure out what’s going on with Rat Boy, Junie will be with me or Gavin at all times. If we can’t be with her, then she will have a tail on her. Junie won’t like it, but she’s going to have to live with it, because that’s the way it’s going to be.
“You’re staying the night?” she asks, watching me closely, but her face giving nothing away.
“Do you want me to?” I ask, not telling her that I was planning on leaving a man outside her house tonight and returning early in the morning. If she wants me to stay, then I’m here… right here.
“Yes. I want your arms around me when I sleep, Ben.”
“Then, that’s what you’ll have.”
“Just like that?” she asks, surprise etched on her features.
“Just like that, Junie. I told you that I’m here for you. Whatever you need, I’ll do my best to make sure you get it.”
“You’re being better to me than I deserve,” she murmurs, sounding a little lost.
“Go take a shower, Junie. Get ready for bed while I lock up,” I tell her. She watches me, and I half expect her to change her mind, but she doesn’t. She just nods her head in agreement.
To distract myself while she’s in the bathroom, I go through the house making sure windows and doors are locked. I might be overreacting, but I feel like Rat Boy is out there, waiting to strike. Juniper doesn’t need to know that. Enough of this shit has touched her, the last thing she needs is for Rat Boy to get close to her. He wants to hurt her. I read people pretty well and he definitely is broadcasting his intent.
My phone rings and I answer it after locking the window in the kitchen. “Kingston,” I mumble into the phone as I stare out onto the street outside, distracted.
“How’s my sister?” Lodge asks, and I bring my attention back to this conversation.
“Shaken. I think she’s okay though. Junie’s tough.”
“Yeah, she is, but this fucker has had his damn fangs into her for a long time.”
“Not any longer. I don’t care what in the hell we have to do, but Junie’s fear ends tonight. This piece of shit becomes nothing more than a splat on the windshield. I don’t care what we have to do,” I growl under my breath. I don’t want Junie to overhear me.
“You know, we could all be overreacting. There’s a chance that you put the fear of God into this asshole tonight and he knows he better get the hell out,” Lodge responds.
“Yeah, old Shredder isn’t that fucking smart. He’s going to take it further. When he does, we need to be prepared.”
“Okay, man. I’ll call in those favors and see what exactly we’re dealing with,” Lodge says, and I nod my agreement, even though he can’t see me.
“Good. I’m betting that there’s a trail of women who would be willing to testify.”
“Another hunch?” Lodge asks, dryly.
“He left Junie alone for too long. I’d say something or someone had him distracted. I want names.”
“You don’t ask for much, do you, Kingston?”
“Talk to you tomorrow, Lodge.”
“Yeah, you make sure you tell my sister that I’m here if she needs me.”
“I’ll tell her, but there’s no reason. I have Junie. She’s safe.”
“If she’ll let you,” Gavin mutters, and my mouth goes tight, because I know he’s right.
I hang up and walk back into the bedroom. Junie is just getting out of the shower. She’s securing a towel around her body. She looks up at me the moment I enter. God. She looks so fucking good.
“I… I just need to blow dry my hair,” she murmurs, her face flushed.
“Get me the blow dryer and sit on the bed. I’ll do it for you.”
“Uh, Ben, I can blow—”
“Just do it, Junie. I love touching your hair. If I didn’t, I wouldn’t have offered.”
She goes to get the blow dryer. When she comes back out, she’s wearing my shirt. We settle on the bed, and I get behind Junie and begin working on her hair. We don’t talk, the sound of the blow dryer the only sound. I let my fingers drift through her thick, beautiful mane. Once I get her hair dry and brushed out, I shut it off and place it on the nightstand. I’ll put it up after I get her settled. Her head keeps nodding, dropping down before she jerks up. I can tell she’s already falling asleep. I slide off the bed and turn the covers down, half-heartedly fluffing her pillows.
“Ben—”
“Get in bed, Junie. You’re dead on your feet,” I tell her, standing by the bed.
“I… are you going to get in?”
“I’ll stay because you asked, Baby. Quit worrying.”
I can see from her face that she’s unsure of my response. She’s beautiful in my shirt—one I had left here from before. I’d be lying if I said that seeing her wearing it doesn’t do something to me—it does. I just can’t allow myself to act on it.
Once she’s settled, I pull the covers up, climb on the bed, and lay on top of the cover.
“I uh… this isn’t exactly what I had in mind,” she says, and my mouth goes tight. I know what she’s talking about, and I want that too, but I’m not going there until I know she’s ready.
“You’re not in shape for anything else tonight, Junie. Let’s just take it one day at a time,” I murmur, pulling her into my body, even though the bed covers separate us.
“We don’t have to do anything, Ben. You could just hold me.
“I am holding you, Junie.”
“Ben, if you’re worried—”
“Junie, it’s late, honey. Let’s get some shut-eye, and we’ll deal with everything else later.”
“We need to talk, Ben.”
“We will, Baby. Just not tonight,” I tell her, praying she accepts that explanation. She surprises me by kissing my chest and wrapping her arms around me.
“It’s been a really bad day, Ben.”
“Kind of figured that one out,” I respond, giving her a little squeeze and kissing the top of her head.
“But if I could have picked any way for the day to end, it’d be having you close. I’ve missed you.”
“Junie—”
“Did you miss me, Ben?”
“I missed you like hell, Junie.”
“We’ll talk tomorrow, right? You promise?” she asks quietly.
“I promise.”
Even as I say the words, I know I’m lying. I’m too raw right now. I need to get my head straight.
Chapter Thirty-Four
Junie
“Junie, I’m heading into the station. Do you want me to drop you off at the bar?” Ben’s question is called out from the other room. I stare up at the ceiling wondering what I’m going to do.
Ben is in the other room, because that’s how it has been for the last five days. He will sleep in bed with me, on top of the cover. He’ll hold me, kiss the top of my head, my forehead—even my damn cheek. He’ll kiss me anywhere that’s more like kissing a friend or family member—not a lover. Never as a lover. I’ve given him all the signals. I’ve done everything except fall upon his dick and take away any choices he might have to say no. I’d be tempted to do that, but he keeps dressed the entire time. I’m not even talking about pajamas bottoms that might give me a little room to sneak my hand in them and see if there were still signs of life between his legs. He’s been wearing his uniform pants or jeans to bed. He doesn’t even shower while he’s here. It’s as if I’ve been….
Permanently friend zoned.
I thought he was worried about me and being overly cautious, afraid to approach me because of Greg showing up and the way I nearly fell apart. I did fall apart, mostly. I admit it, and I needed him to hold me gently and reassure me everything was going to be okay, but I didn’t expect him to only do that. I can’t keep going like this, and I don’t want to.
“I’ve got a car, Ben,” I growl, rolling over on my side, giving him my back. It doesn’t matter, because he’s not even in the same damn room, but it makes me feel a little better.
“What, Junie?” he says, his voice closer. I know he’s peeking in through the door. He’s not in the room, of course. He’d probably burst into instant flames from hell if he dared enter my bedroom during the day.
“I said I have a damn car. I don’t need you to drive me anywhere.” I sound hateful as hell, and I don’t care because I feel hateful.
“If you’re sure. I’ll come over to the bar at lunch and we’ll—”
“No.”
“—go to Cliffside.”
“I said no.”
“You want to go to Carl’s or maybe that new place they put in? I’ve been hearing good things about it. Danny took Melissa there last week—”
“I don’t want to go to lunch with you, Ben.”
“Do you have to work at the bar? I could bring takeout and—”
“I don’t have anything to do at the bar today. I just don’t want to have lunch with you.”
“Okay, Baby. I’ll bring us some food home and—”
“I don’t want that either,” I tell him, still not turning around, but his tone, where he keeps his responses soft and sweet annoy the hell out of me. I have a baseball bat on this side of my bed. My gaze is centered on where I can see the handle of it sticking up over my nightstand. I resist the urge to grab it and bang Ben over the head with it, hoping it loosens up whatever pod person has taken over his brain.
“What do you want, Junie?” Ben asks, and finally his voice changes, but this is just as bad because he sounds like I’m putting him out… like he’s tired.
Join the crowd, jerk-face.
“Just leave, Ben. Go to work, go home, sleep in your own bed, and do whatever at your house. That’s what I want,” I mumble, ignoring the pain I feel. This is my fault. I pushed Ben away and now I have to deal with the consequences—which include being in love with a man who I no longer have a claim to.
Love. I love Ben. I suck back the tears that sting my eyes. They won’t help, and I’m tired of feeling weak.
“We can do my house tonight, then. What time will you be coming over? I’ll try to get off work early and—”
“I’m not coming over,” I mumble and am met with silence that lasts a little too long.
“What are you saying?” Ben asks, annoyance creeping into his tone.
“I’m saying you’re released from duty, Sheriff. You can go back to your life and leave me alone.”
“Leave you alone,” Ben repeats under his breath. Those words from his lips feel horrible, but I welcome the pain. Pain is the first step in healing, right? Fuck, I have no idea. I’ve never truly been in love before Ben.
“You’re welcome,” I respond with a sigh. He should be relieved I’m letting him off the hook. I’ve definitely come to realize he’s only here out of some warped sense of duty, because I fell apart on him. He thinks it’s his job to fix me because we dated. Of course he does. Ben’s a sheriff. He has lived his whole life with this sense of duty that it’s his job to take care of people. Apparently, that’s bled over into his personal life—even with a woman he wants rid of.
“I’m right here, Baby.” I hear his words in my head often in the last five days, but I don’t find comfort in them, because I realize that’s what’s going on. He’s here to fix me, not to… love me.
“Are you even going to turn around and look at me, Junie?”
“What’s the point?” I ask, wallowing in my despair.
Ben lets loose a large breath of frustrated air that sounds kind of like a pissed off bear. I ignore that too, at least I try until he grabs my hip and forcefully flops me over on my back. I look up at him and my first thought that at least this isn’t an indifferent looking Ben. This Ben is totally pissed off. I don’t know why that should make me happy, but it does.
“What’s the point? Are you seriously asking me that right now, Junie?”
“Yeah, Ben, that’s exactly what I’m asking,” I respond, my anger lighting as much as his. I move so I’m sitting up on the bed, leaning back against the headboard, watching him, hoping maybe he will finally talk to me, but his next words push me over the edge.
“I’m not doing this,” he growls under his breath, walking to the dresser and getting his badge, keys, and billfold. “I’m not fucking doing this.”
“Doing what? You haven’t been doing anything, Ben!”
“Haven’t been… Woman what in the hell do you want from a man? I’m here every night making sure you’re okay, holding you so you can sleep. Fuck, I’m bending over backwards to try and help you, and you want to sit there and give me shit? You want to act like a bitch, Junie, that’s fine, but I’ve had it.”
“Good. So have I!” I stab a finger to my chest.
“Fine! I’ll make sure Lodge keeps an eye on you from here on out, because I’m done,” Ben growls, stomping out of the room. I jump up off the bed and follow him. There’s no way in hell he’s going to dismiss me that easily.
“Fine. Leave. You don’t have to worry about me anymore. One less job for good old Sheriff Ben to tend to,” I holler at him, almost jogging to catch up to him by the front door. He spins around on me, and I stumble, managing to stop in time so that I don’t run into him. I cross my arms against my chest and narrow my eyes. I wait, because he’s either leaving or saying something else to piss me off. Ben being Ben, it will probably be both.
Chapter Thirty-Five
Junie
“What in the fuck is your problem, Junie? Why does every fucking thing have to be a fight with you? I’m too old for this shit.”
“You, Ben. You’re my problem. You’re hanging around to make sure Greg doesn’t get near me. Well, it’s been five days. There’s no sign from the asshole, so hey! You’re off the hook. Get your ass out and don’t let the door hit you on the way out. You’re officially off Junie duty.”
“Get my ass out?” he growls.
“That’s what I said.”
“You’re unbelievable. I’m so sick of your games, Junie. If this is how you want to play it, fine.”
“Maybe you’re having trouble getting this through your thick skull, Sheriff, but I don’t play games.” I huff, all of my frustration boiling over.
“That’s rich,” Ben replies, and anger is rolling off of him now, but it’s a quiet contained anger. I welcome it. Anything is better than the reserved indifference that I’ve been getting from him for days. “You play more games than any woman I know, Junie. You love to wind me up and make me jump. You live for it.”
