Nameless, p.13
Nameless, page 13
Why hadn’t I remembered that until now?
I had asked her what was wrong. Who he was. Tell me, daughter, why are you crying?
She wiped the tears and told me he was just one of her patients and that she cried because she was happy he’d recovered but sad he had to return to the war and may be killed.
I accepted that.
Because she often cried for the people she cared for. When she came home. When they couldn’t see.
Sometimes when they could.
When Soldier returned it was with the unit that would defend the city against the Invader and his Pack. The unit that retreated against a hostile force too strong to hold. There would have been no time to begin their love affair again, just a few brief moments when he came to see his injured men. Stealing a touch. A kiss. Moving away from inquisitive eyes for a moment and into the trees to hold each other and remember. Each breath. Each heartbeat. To remember and memorise and never forget because every time could be the last.
For one of them it was.
But not the one they might have guessed.
It was Eldest who was taken from the world. Soldier’s heart that lost the embrace that kept it whole.
That was why Soldier watched over Sanctuary.
He kept watch over the family of the woman he loved. Over her mother and her sister.
Change had come to our country. Change that Eldest would never see. She would never know where the suited man went. She would never again wave to Aunty. She wouldn’t work at the hospital and take injured soldiers for walks in the garden and stir their hearts with her smile and her kindness. She wouldn’t laugh. Frown. Get up too early to look out the window and tease her mother for staying in bed.
She would never gaze at her lover from the window of her apartment and weep at his going.
Never again.
Never.
Because Eldest was dead.
21
I CLOSED THE diary. Disbelieving. Wondering that I’d been so blind. I thought I knew all Eldest’s secrets, in the way observant mothers often did, but this one had passed by me like a figure in the fog.
Why had it been a secret? She’d had other boyfriends, presented them to us like cakes on a plate, talked to me about them, how wonderful they were, how kind, how clingy, how glad she was to leave them behind but how hard it was to hurt them. What was it about Soldier she felt she had to hide? Because we’d have been excited she’d found someone so perfect and he was leaving and might be killed and she didn’t want our pity if that happened. Didn’t want to trouble us with her grief. That would be something she would do.
Or was it because their love was too precious to let anyone else in? Some things were. They were to be savoured and cherished without others interfering in their perfection.
I felt a little guilty for invading her privacy. Words she thought no one else would read. Words a mother should never read.
But she was gone and I was glad to know the secret at her very core, not hurt that she didn’t share it. I was glad that at the end her heart remembered being loved and had possibly taken some solace from that. Like I took solace from having loved Husband. Or would. When I’d stopped missing him.
Was that what Crow wanted me to read? Why?
I didn’t know. She told me to ask my questions of one who knew the truth. She could only mean Soldier; there was no other in the diary. None so relevant. So close. Which must mean Crow also knew Soldier. It surprised me yet also did not, because they were both solitary figures who walked the edges of existence. Silent. Watching. Not wanting to be part of the community. Not needing to be? Or just finding it too hard because they’d both been hurt and like the reclusive man whose spirit had joined the forest they wanted to be alone?
But what did Soldier know? And, more to the point, what were my questions?
Eldest. We’d been talking about Eldest. How we couldn’t disbelieve what we had seen.
We’d seen her die. Or so we thought. Yet Rescuer said she might have lived, words echoed by Crow. Maybe Soldier had discovered the truth.
The truth.
The truth of what happened on the day that brought you here. Then… who knows? Maybe the dead will return. Or maybe they won’t.
Again I rejected the idea that Eldest could still be alive. She was strong. But only within her frail human limits.
I sighed then muttered, ‘You’re not going to work it out talking to an empty room.’
It was early morning. The day after my walk in the forest that had been meant to dispel frustration but ended up being something else. The day after I had given in and done something I shouldn’t have, that I’d promised myself I would not, something that brought guilt to the deepest pit of my soul and a complication that could double and triple and end up in more guilt and hurt for someone that didn’t deserve it.
It was early morning on the day after I had done something utterly selfish. I’d told myself I wouldn’t.
Yet I had.
And I damned myself for it.
Daughter was gone when I crept into the room an hour ago. Remorse stealing in now my body had grown cold. Feeling the ache where he’d been. The warm wetness that I washed away before lying down then smelling him on my hands and washing again. Thinking of Husband.
Too awake to sleep, I’d read Eldest’s diary. My thoughts strayed constantly until Eldest’s story pushed him aside. Now I dressed, donning a knitted hat and gloves, pulled my coat over my pants and jumper then shoved Eldest’s diary into the pocket. I needed to speak with Soldier. Before the resistance left for the city. Otherwise it might be too late.
But how to get to him. I wasn’t stupid enough to cross the lake again, but as I left the house I thought it would surely be safe to go to the lakeshore and look over the black water. Then he may be able to come to me. A farfetched hope. Too great a reliance on the vagaries of chance.
But I had to try.
I had to know what he knew.
I had to find out if Eldest was still alive.
Rescuer would be in the common area. Busy with the move to the city. I didn’t want to see him so didn’t go there and I didn’t find Daughter or anyone else to tell them my intentions because I knew they’d stop me and if I could just go quickly then return it wouldn’t matter. If Soldier wasn’t there I’d come straight back. I promised myself that. Crossed my heart. Because Daughter would be waiting for me to go to the wall and look at the forest to see if anything had changed.
I wouldn’t tell her I’d already seen it.
I glanced around as I walked swiftly across the courtyard, pretending I had some important business. It was early. Most people would be having breakfast. There were always guards and lookouts but I could see none on this freezing morning with the burden of yesterday’s snow-filled clouds half-deposited onto the earth. So maybe they were warm inside. Still, when I reached the bottom of the steps, I turned into the forest as if going for my usual walk.
Then I doubled back under cover of the trees and went out the gate.
I was reasonably certain no one had seen me, and a glance upwards revealed Sower wasn’t in her garden watching like last time. I closed the gate gently and trotted down the path to the lakeshore.
Ice crusted the water’s edge where it usually lapped the pebbles. It crunched under my boots as I gazed across the dark water. Face reflected in the mirror surface. The worried face of a woman growing old too fast.
I met her eyes for a moment and asked her what she had done, what she’d been thinking, how she could have been so weak. I asked her how she was going to fix it and if she needed to. Because he was going and may not come back.
May not come back.
As surely as an ostrich pokes its head into the sand I hoped for that, then felt shame claw its way up my spine. Hadn’t there been enough death? Wishing for another to put right a selfish act was wicked.
I took my eyes from my reflection, from my thoughts, focused on what I’d come to do. The forest was unchanged except for the snow sprinkled on boughs and shrubs, on the hedge whose grave cargo was now lost to winter’s frigid beauty. A breeze stirred. The snow flurried among the trees. Up. Down. Around and around and around. Taking a breath then subsiding. A postcard scene given life. Perfect.
But it wasn’t perfect. It was dangerous.
My eyes searched beyond the snow. There were few places Soldier could conceal himself and surely he’d need a fire in such bitter weather. Yet I could see no smoke or flame. Cold. It was too cold. He wasn’t superhuman.
‘Damn.’
My hands were in my pockets and my fingers curled around Eldest’s diary. I wondered what I should do. Where Soldier could be. Who would answer my questions. There were other islands and on one of them was a boathouse with boats and weapons and stores. But it was locked. The islands were visited regularly. Someone would have seen Soldier and I would have heard about it.
So I had only one choice: Crow.
I turned to retrace my steps then paused when a faint echo wafted on wings across the water from mainland to island. A crunch. Another. Then silence.
I drew back within the trees and watched. Searched the forest. Soldier wasn’t the only one who frequented the paths. The Pack did too. And maybe it was my imagination but I thought I heard an engine.
But there was no one. No Soldier or patrol or vehicle. Just the snow. The flurries. Maybe birds perched on ice-crusted branches or burrowing creatures beneath the white.
But it was time to go. Just in case.
I jogged back up the hill and through the gate and latched it behind me, then went into the forest but on a path opposite my usual one. One that circled the crag. Climbed. Then arrived at the place Crow sheltered. There was another path as well, one that went around the crag at the bottom, along the lakeshore, overgrown and narrow and in part submerged in water. I’d walked it several times without realising there was a second above me and that Crow probably watched from its camouflaged heights. But this was the most direct route. The easiest.
The birds were quiet this morning. Too early and too cold. The thought had only touched my mind when a crow cawed from some distant lookout and another replied.
Crows. Crow.
I prayed I could find her without too much of a search so I could return to Daughter before she came looking for me. I was hungry and wishing for the common area’s warmth. Yet nervous to go there as well. Not wanting to face my selfishness. To see it in the warmth of his smile.
I was nearly there. Walking fast. Then I stopped suddenly at the snap of a twig.
The island’s forest was dense here, the trunks of trees pressed close, the snow beneath them tumbling from branch to ground then caught on the wind to powder the wrought-iron trunks. I peered into them. Hoping to see Crow.
Instead I saw a man.
Run. Scream.
That’s what my instincts said. Because I didn’t know this man. He didn’t live on Sanctuary.
Thoughts raced through my head of the Invader and the Pack and Soldier’s absence and how easy the island was to find. The man wasn’t wearing a uniform but that meant nothing.
But the man raised his hands, palms out and took a step towards me. ‘Please, don’t be alarmed. I’m not going to hurt you. I’m lost. I was…I was told that there was a resistance group on one of these islands.’
The voice was gentle, pleading, frightened. He didn’t sound like an arrogant rapist murderer. Didn’t look like one either. A thick woollen hat, plain dark clothes, blinking eyes as if he was short-sighted. The trees hung low with their snow-burdened branches so his features were in shadow but I was certain I didn’t know him and he seemed more startled by me than I by him.
Still I was wary. Because if I put aside his fear he could almost be fishing for information. ‘Who are you?’
‘Teacher. I’ve come from the city.’ Another step. ‘Twin sent me.’
‘Rescuer’s brother?’ I tried not to give too much away. Because Twin could have been caught by the Pack and forced to talk. A fate that sent a shudder through me but had to be considered. It had to be considered that this man could be here because of what Twin had told him..
Teacher nodded. ‘Twin sent me to the island. He asked me to bring word to Rescuer and the others that there may be a problem. Some of the people he arranged to set explosives have been killed by the Pack. Their bodies are on display on the steps before the place of government as a warning to others. Now…now we don’t know if we can proceed because we think our people talked before they died, because…because they were tortured. So new plans will have to be made just in case.’ He was shaking. Arms wrapped tightly about himself as he sank to a crouch and buried his face in his hands.
‘I’m scared…so scared that if they did talk all our plans have been for nothing. I’d hoped…but we…we’re tired. So very tired. Every day I wonder if it will be my last. It might be a relief. Because they…they took my family. My children…’
The last words were a whisper. The last letters a sob mounted by more and more till they poured from his body. I just watched him. Didn’t know what to do. He could be genuine or he could be one hell of an actor.
‘I am sorry,’ I said. ‘Please don’t cry. If you…if you wait, I’ll fetch Rescuer and Nourish and bring them to you.’
Teacher’s sobs subsided and he took a breath then wiped his face with his forearm. He cleared his throat and nodded as he slowly rose. ‘Yes, yes, that would be best. Nourish will vouch for me. We met on several occasions when he came to the city. Rescuer too, though I don’t know him as well. Are the others here?’
I nodded. ‘Some, though many have gone.’
‘Gone? Why…no, of course, because we’re nearly ready to strike.’
‘Yes, so I’ll go and ge—’ I turned to go but caught my foot on a rock and I toppled sideways. My outstretched hand jarred on the ground and Teacher stepped towards me. But he stopped when I leapt to my feet.
‘Are you alright?’ he said.
I rubbed my wrist. ‘Fine…clumsy. My daughter always laughs at me.’
‘Perhaps I should walk with you. Take you back to your daughter. Just in case.’
He seemed genuine. Even likeable. But I wouldn’t risk bringing him into the house until Nourish had seen him and confirmed he was telling the truth. Already I’d said too much.
‘I’ll be fine,’ I said, shaking my head. ‘Just wait here. I’ll get Nourish.’
I turned, eyes on the ground. Then I heard a crunch. I swung back to Teacher only to find him upon me and in that moment I knew he wasn’t here to see Nourish. Knew he wasn’t part of the resistance.
He was one of the Pack.
Fool. You’re a bloody fool. You should have left while you had the chance.
I started to run but Teacher’s arms were already outstretched and he grabbed my hair and yanked me backwards. A hand slammed against my mouth as I opened it to scream.
Teacher’s fingers went from my hair to my throat and he pulled me deeper into the trees, out of sight of the path and anyone who might be passing. I dug my feet into the ground. Trying to slow him. But he was strong. The ground soft with snow. All I could do was struggle while ice and dirt sprayed around my legs. He was only a soldier. Maybe…maybe, oh, shit, here I go again…maybe I could reason with him. Bribe him. Maybe someone would come. Surely it would be impossible for him to get me off Sanctuary without someone seeing him.
But I was terrified. So terrified. Terror nearly the same as the day the Invader came and walked the streets and killed everyone. Killed my family. Their faces were in my mind. Their screams in my ears. Panicked sounds squeezed from my lips and exited between his fingers as the squeaks of a rat caught in a trap.
Then something happened. Something that made me realise Crow was right. That my doubt as to our safety on the island was right.
Teacher spoke. Close to my ear. Yet his voice sounded different to moments ago, rougher, deeper.
Now it was the voice of the man who had murdered my husband and sons and raped my daughter.
‘Best not to struggle,’ he said softly. Breath hot on my ear. Stirring my hair so I shuddered in revulsion.
The Invader.
The Invader had come to Sanctuary and no one had stopped him.
The Invader had crossed the water and climbed the crag and entered the gate and no one had seen him.
But…why hadn’t I recognised him?
Because of the hat pulled so low. Because of the gloomy day and pendulous trees. Because I hadn’t really looked at him on the day he murdered my family because there’d been too much happening. Too much horror. Screaming. Panic-wracked unreality whose talons ripped shreds from my senses and my vision and my hearing.
Because despite Crow’s words I’d wanted to believe we were safe on Sanctuary and hope had crawled in like some disgusting virus.
And now the resistance had been infiltrated and the Invader had come to witness its end. As he always did. Relishing it.
Front row seats for the killing. Get your tickets here. Free to all who love death.
I stopped struggling as my terror was consumed by sudden apathy. My worst fears had come true. The Invader was here and he had me and would kill me or take me to join the other abused women. His fingers were squeezing my throat, squeezing, squeezing. Soon nothing would matter, and it was alright because I’d always known he’d win eventually.
‘I’ve waited a long time to find your hideout,’ he hissed. ‘You’ve caused me a lot of trouble. But now…now you will all die.’
‘Let her go.’
The Invader swung me in a hard circle. To where the deeper forest dropped to the lakeshore and the other path around the crag.
To the person who had come to save me.
I should have been glad but I wasn’t and a despairing sob squeaked from my lips, smothered by the Invader’s hand. Because it was Rescuer. Gripping the knife he always kept on him but no gun. And no one to help him. He must have been following me without realising the danger ahead for surely if he had he’d have brought others. An army.
‘Ah,’ said the Invader, still smiling. Smug. ‘You must be Twin’s brother, Rescuer. You’re very alike. Although it took me a moment because you’re not screaming like he was when I last saw him.’
I had asked her what was wrong. Who he was. Tell me, daughter, why are you crying?
She wiped the tears and told me he was just one of her patients and that she cried because she was happy he’d recovered but sad he had to return to the war and may be killed.
I accepted that.
Because she often cried for the people she cared for. When she came home. When they couldn’t see.
Sometimes when they could.
When Soldier returned it was with the unit that would defend the city against the Invader and his Pack. The unit that retreated against a hostile force too strong to hold. There would have been no time to begin their love affair again, just a few brief moments when he came to see his injured men. Stealing a touch. A kiss. Moving away from inquisitive eyes for a moment and into the trees to hold each other and remember. Each breath. Each heartbeat. To remember and memorise and never forget because every time could be the last.
For one of them it was.
But not the one they might have guessed.
It was Eldest who was taken from the world. Soldier’s heart that lost the embrace that kept it whole.
That was why Soldier watched over Sanctuary.
He kept watch over the family of the woman he loved. Over her mother and her sister.
Change had come to our country. Change that Eldest would never see. She would never know where the suited man went. She would never again wave to Aunty. She wouldn’t work at the hospital and take injured soldiers for walks in the garden and stir their hearts with her smile and her kindness. She wouldn’t laugh. Frown. Get up too early to look out the window and tease her mother for staying in bed.
She would never gaze at her lover from the window of her apartment and weep at his going.
Never again.
Never.
Because Eldest was dead.
21
I CLOSED THE diary. Disbelieving. Wondering that I’d been so blind. I thought I knew all Eldest’s secrets, in the way observant mothers often did, but this one had passed by me like a figure in the fog.
Why had it been a secret? She’d had other boyfriends, presented them to us like cakes on a plate, talked to me about them, how wonderful they were, how kind, how clingy, how glad she was to leave them behind but how hard it was to hurt them. What was it about Soldier she felt she had to hide? Because we’d have been excited she’d found someone so perfect and he was leaving and might be killed and she didn’t want our pity if that happened. Didn’t want to trouble us with her grief. That would be something she would do.
Or was it because their love was too precious to let anyone else in? Some things were. They were to be savoured and cherished without others interfering in their perfection.
I felt a little guilty for invading her privacy. Words she thought no one else would read. Words a mother should never read.
But she was gone and I was glad to know the secret at her very core, not hurt that she didn’t share it. I was glad that at the end her heart remembered being loved and had possibly taken some solace from that. Like I took solace from having loved Husband. Or would. When I’d stopped missing him.
Was that what Crow wanted me to read? Why?
I didn’t know. She told me to ask my questions of one who knew the truth. She could only mean Soldier; there was no other in the diary. None so relevant. So close. Which must mean Crow also knew Soldier. It surprised me yet also did not, because they were both solitary figures who walked the edges of existence. Silent. Watching. Not wanting to be part of the community. Not needing to be? Or just finding it too hard because they’d both been hurt and like the reclusive man whose spirit had joined the forest they wanted to be alone?
But what did Soldier know? And, more to the point, what were my questions?
Eldest. We’d been talking about Eldest. How we couldn’t disbelieve what we had seen.
We’d seen her die. Or so we thought. Yet Rescuer said she might have lived, words echoed by Crow. Maybe Soldier had discovered the truth.
The truth.
The truth of what happened on the day that brought you here. Then… who knows? Maybe the dead will return. Or maybe they won’t.
Again I rejected the idea that Eldest could still be alive. She was strong. But only within her frail human limits.
I sighed then muttered, ‘You’re not going to work it out talking to an empty room.’
It was early morning. The day after my walk in the forest that had been meant to dispel frustration but ended up being something else. The day after I had given in and done something I shouldn’t have, that I’d promised myself I would not, something that brought guilt to the deepest pit of my soul and a complication that could double and triple and end up in more guilt and hurt for someone that didn’t deserve it.
It was early morning on the day after I had done something utterly selfish. I’d told myself I wouldn’t.
Yet I had.
And I damned myself for it.
Daughter was gone when I crept into the room an hour ago. Remorse stealing in now my body had grown cold. Feeling the ache where he’d been. The warm wetness that I washed away before lying down then smelling him on my hands and washing again. Thinking of Husband.
Too awake to sleep, I’d read Eldest’s diary. My thoughts strayed constantly until Eldest’s story pushed him aside. Now I dressed, donning a knitted hat and gloves, pulled my coat over my pants and jumper then shoved Eldest’s diary into the pocket. I needed to speak with Soldier. Before the resistance left for the city. Otherwise it might be too late.
But how to get to him. I wasn’t stupid enough to cross the lake again, but as I left the house I thought it would surely be safe to go to the lakeshore and look over the black water. Then he may be able to come to me. A farfetched hope. Too great a reliance on the vagaries of chance.
But I had to try.
I had to know what he knew.
I had to find out if Eldest was still alive.
Rescuer would be in the common area. Busy with the move to the city. I didn’t want to see him so didn’t go there and I didn’t find Daughter or anyone else to tell them my intentions because I knew they’d stop me and if I could just go quickly then return it wouldn’t matter. If Soldier wasn’t there I’d come straight back. I promised myself that. Crossed my heart. Because Daughter would be waiting for me to go to the wall and look at the forest to see if anything had changed.
I wouldn’t tell her I’d already seen it.
I glanced around as I walked swiftly across the courtyard, pretending I had some important business. It was early. Most people would be having breakfast. There were always guards and lookouts but I could see none on this freezing morning with the burden of yesterday’s snow-filled clouds half-deposited onto the earth. So maybe they were warm inside. Still, when I reached the bottom of the steps, I turned into the forest as if going for my usual walk.
Then I doubled back under cover of the trees and went out the gate.
I was reasonably certain no one had seen me, and a glance upwards revealed Sower wasn’t in her garden watching like last time. I closed the gate gently and trotted down the path to the lakeshore.
Ice crusted the water’s edge where it usually lapped the pebbles. It crunched under my boots as I gazed across the dark water. Face reflected in the mirror surface. The worried face of a woman growing old too fast.
I met her eyes for a moment and asked her what she had done, what she’d been thinking, how she could have been so weak. I asked her how she was going to fix it and if she needed to. Because he was going and may not come back.
May not come back.
As surely as an ostrich pokes its head into the sand I hoped for that, then felt shame claw its way up my spine. Hadn’t there been enough death? Wishing for another to put right a selfish act was wicked.
I took my eyes from my reflection, from my thoughts, focused on what I’d come to do. The forest was unchanged except for the snow sprinkled on boughs and shrubs, on the hedge whose grave cargo was now lost to winter’s frigid beauty. A breeze stirred. The snow flurried among the trees. Up. Down. Around and around and around. Taking a breath then subsiding. A postcard scene given life. Perfect.
But it wasn’t perfect. It was dangerous.
My eyes searched beyond the snow. There were few places Soldier could conceal himself and surely he’d need a fire in such bitter weather. Yet I could see no smoke or flame. Cold. It was too cold. He wasn’t superhuman.
‘Damn.’
My hands were in my pockets and my fingers curled around Eldest’s diary. I wondered what I should do. Where Soldier could be. Who would answer my questions. There were other islands and on one of them was a boathouse with boats and weapons and stores. But it was locked. The islands were visited regularly. Someone would have seen Soldier and I would have heard about it.
So I had only one choice: Crow.
I turned to retrace my steps then paused when a faint echo wafted on wings across the water from mainland to island. A crunch. Another. Then silence.
I drew back within the trees and watched. Searched the forest. Soldier wasn’t the only one who frequented the paths. The Pack did too. And maybe it was my imagination but I thought I heard an engine.
But there was no one. No Soldier or patrol or vehicle. Just the snow. The flurries. Maybe birds perched on ice-crusted branches or burrowing creatures beneath the white.
But it was time to go. Just in case.
I jogged back up the hill and through the gate and latched it behind me, then went into the forest but on a path opposite my usual one. One that circled the crag. Climbed. Then arrived at the place Crow sheltered. There was another path as well, one that went around the crag at the bottom, along the lakeshore, overgrown and narrow and in part submerged in water. I’d walked it several times without realising there was a second above me and that Crow probably watched from its camouflaged heights. But this was the most direct route. The easiest.
The birds were quiet this morning. Too early and too cold. The thought had only touched my mind when a crow cawed from some distant lookout and another replied.
Crows. Crow.
I prayed I could find her without too much of a search so I could return to Daughter before she came looking for me. I was hungry and wishing for the common area’s warmth. Yet nervous to go there as well. Not wanting to face my selfishness. To see it in the warmth of his smile.
I was nearly there. Walking fast. Then I stopped suddenly at the snap of a twig.
The island’s forest was dense here, the trunks of trees pressed close, the snow beneath them tumbling from branch to ground then caught on the wind to powder the wrought-iron trunks. I peered into them. Hoping to see Crow.
Instead I saw a man.
Run. Scream.
That’s what my instincts said. Because I didn’t know this man. He didn’t live on Sanctuary.
Thoughts raced through my head of the Invader and the Pack and Soldier’s absence and how easy the island was to find. The man wasn’t wearing a uniform but that meant nothing.
But the man raised his hands, palms out and took a step towards me. ‘Please, don’t be alarmed. I’m not going to hurt you. I’m lost. I was…I was told that there was a resistance group on one of these islands.’
The voice was gentle, pleading, frightened. He didn’t sound like an arrogant rapist murderer. Didn’t look like one either. A thick woollen hat, plain dark clothes, blinking eyes as if he was short-sighted. The trees hung low with their snow-burdened branches so his features were in shadow but I was certain I didn’t know him and he seemed more startled by me than I by him.
Still I was wary. Because if I put aside his fear he could almost be fishing for information. ‘Who are you?’
‘Teacher. I’ve come from the city.’ Another step. ‘Twin sent me.’
‘Rescuer’s brother?’ I tried not to give too much away. Because Twin could have been caught by the Pack and forced to talk. A fate that sent a shudder through me but had to be considered. It had to be considered that this man could be here because of what Twin had told him..
Teacher nodded. ‘Twin sent me to the island. He asked me to bring word to Rescuer and the others that there may be a problem. Some of the people he arranged to set explosives have been killed by the Pack. Their bodies are on display on the steps before the place of government as a warning to others. Now…now we don’t know if we can proceed because we think our people talked before they died, because…because they were tortured. So new plans will have to be made just in case.’ He was shaking. Arms wrapped tightly about himself as he sank to a crouch and buried his face in his hands.
‘I’m scared…so scared that if they did talk all our plans have been for nothing. I’d hoped…but we…we’re tired. So very tired. Every day I wonder if it will be my last. It might be a relief. Because they…they took my family. My children…’
The last words were a whisper. The last letters a sob mounted by more and more till they poured from his body. I just watched him. Didn’t know what to do. He could be genuine or he could be one hell of an actor.
‘I am sorry,’ I said. ‘Please don’t cry. If you…if you wait, I’ll fetch Rescuer and Nourish and bring them to you.’
Teacher’s sobs subsided and he took a breath then wiped his face with his forearm. He cleared his throat and nodded as he slowly rose. ‘Yes, yes, that would be best. Nourish will vouch for me. We met on several occasions when he came to the city. Rescuer too, though I don’t know him as well. Are the others here?’
I nodded. ‘Some, though many have gone.’
‘Gone? Why…no, of course, because we’re nearly ready to strike.’
‘Yes, so I’ll go and ge—’ I turned to go but caught my foot on a rock and I toppled sideways. My outstretched hand jarred on the ground and Teacher stepped towards me. But he stopped when I leapt to my feet.
‘Are you alright?’ he said.
I rubbed my wrist. ‘Fine…clumsy. My daughter always laughs at me.’
‘Perhaps I should walk with you. Take you back to your daughter. Just in case.’
He seemed genuine. Even likeable. But I wouldn’t risk bringing him into the house until Nourish had seen him and confirmed he was telling the truth. Already I’d said too much.
‘I’ll be fine,’ I said, shaking my head. ‘Just wait here. I’ll get Nourish.’
I turned, eyes on the ground. Then I heard a crunch. I swung back to Teacher only to find him upon me and in that moment I knew he wasn’t here to see Nourish. Knew he wasn’t part of the resistance.
He was one of the Pack.
Fool. You’re a bloody fool. You should have left while you had the chance.
I started to run but Teacher’s arms were already outstretched and he grabbed my hair and yanked me backwards. A hand slammed against my mouth as I opened it to scream.
Teacher’s fingers went from my hair to my throat and he pulled me deeper into the trees, out of sight of the path and anyone who might be passing. I dug my feet into the ground. Trying to slow him. But he was strong. The ground soft with snow. All I could do was struggle while ice and dirt sprayed around my legs. He was only a soldier. Maybe…maybe, oh, shit, here I go again…maybe I could reason with him. Bribe him. Maybe someone would come. Surely it would be impossible for him to get me off Sanctuary without someone seeing him.
But I was terrified. So terrified. Terror nearly the same as the day the Invader came and walked the streets and killed everyone. Killed my family. Their faces were in my mind. Their screams in my ears. Panicked sounds squeezed from my lips and exited between his fingers as the squeaks of a rat caught in a trap.
Then something happened. Something that made me realise Crow was right. That my doubt as to our safety on the island was right.
Teacher spoke. Close to my ear. Yet his voice sounded different to moments ago, rougher, deeper.
Now it was the voice of the man who had murdered my husband and sons and raped my daughter.
‘Best not to struggle,’ he said softly. Breath hot on my ear. Stirring my hair so I shuddered in revulsion.
The Invader.
The Invader had come to Sanctuary and no one had stopped him.
The Invader had crossed the water and climbed the crag and entered the gate and no one had seen him.
But…why hadn’t I recognised him?
Because of the hat pulled so low. Because of the gloomy day and pendulous trees. Because I hadn’t really looked at him on the day he murdered my family because there’d been too much happening. Too much horror. Screaming. Panic-wracked unreality whose talons ripped shreds from my senses and my vision and my hearing.
Because despite Crow’s words I’d wanted to believe we were safe on Sanctuary and hope had crawled in like some disgusting virus.
And now the resistance had been infiltrated and the Invader had come to witness its end. As he always did. Relishing it.
Front row seats for the killing. Get your tickets here. Free to all who love death.
I stopped struggling as my terror was consumed by sudden apathy. My worst fears had come true. The Invader was here and he had me and would kill me or take me to join the other abused women. His fingers were squeezing my throat, squeezing, squeezing. Soon nothing would matter, and it was alright because I’d always known he’d win eventually.
‘I’ve waited a long time to find your hideout,’ he hissed. ‘You’ve caused me a lot of trouble. But now…now you will all die.’
‘Let her go.’
The Invader swung me in a hard circle. To where the deeper forest dropped to the lakeshore and the other path around the crag.
To the person who had come to save me.
I should have been glad but I wasn’t and a despairing sob squeaked from my lips, smothered by the Invader’s hand. Because it was Rescuer. Gripping the knife he always kept on him but no gun. And no one to help him. He must have been following me without realising the danger ahead for surely if he had he’d have brought others. An army.
‘Ah,’ said the Invader, still smiling. Smug. ‘You must be Twin’s brother, Rescuer. You’re very alike. Although it took me a moment because you’re not screaming like he was when I last saw him.’
