Nameless, p.18
Nameless, page 18
Lofie was gone. I was a mess. I felt emotions I hadn’t felt in centuries. I felt fear. I felt excitement. I felt doom. I felt hope.
Aurick awoke the next morning. He had a crushing headache as if someone had bashed his forehead with a sledgehammer. He tiredly stumbled through the apartment over to the refrigerator. He pulled out a can of tomato juice and gulped it down. Suddenly, Aurick’s eyes widened as if he realized something. He spit up the juice, leaving a spray of red mist in the air. “Was that a dream?”
I had to take advantage of this opportunity. “No, it wasn’t.”
Aurick hopped up a bit in surprise. I guess he forgot that a Fallen occupied his body. “You mean to tell me that weird guy was in my room last night”—Aurick paused and swallowed—“and kissed me?”
“More than just kissed you.” I hated lying but I was desperate. “He went all the way to third base and scored a touchdown.” I didn’t know whether I was talking about baseball or some other sport.
Aurick looked sick all of a sudden. He collapsed but held himself up against the refrigerator door. He ran to the bathroom and spewed his insides up into the toilet. A few droplets splattered up, touching the tip of Aurick’s nose.
I told him that a Fallen had possessed and raped him. I also told him the Fallen was going to keep harassing him and raping him every night.
Aurick vomited again. Aurick wondered if this made him gay. Homophobe. “How do we stop that freak?”
“You can’t. I can. But the only way I can is if I regain control. And the only way for me to regain control is to see that doctor.” I wasn’t truly sure. I didn’t know if Dr. Doctor could even help at all.
“But I need you. I won’t let you go.”
“I can’t leave even if I tried. I have unfinished business with your body. But if you’d rather make love to a Fallen every night, that’s fine by me.”
“I’m not taking that chance! I’ll run somewhere he’ll never find me.”
“You can never escape from him. He will find you.”
“I’ll take the risk.” Aurick got dressed in a hurry. I didn’t know what Aurick was planning. It would all be in vain anyway.
He ran out of the apartment. The elevator was broken … again. Aurick hurried to the steps, then suddenly everything got fuzzy. Aurick’s head throbbed with pain. A couple seconds later, his chest started to throb in pain also. His heart was beating so fast it felt as if it could burst at any moment. He slammed against the dirty wall. I shared his agony. Blood trickled down his nose. We needed to go to the hospital. I needed to think of a way to get there. How? Duh. Get hurt. I mustered all of my focus and strength and jerked Aurick’s leg backward. Aurick flipped and tumbled down the stairs. Payback for Angry Kid. Aurick lay there unconscious.
Aurick woke up at around five. He was in a daze. He was too tired to speak. It was a busy day at St. Peter’s Hospital. But then again, every day is a busy day. What hospital isn’t? Dr. Doctor could be anywhere. Or anyone. I thought it was strange that we weren’t in an emergency room but in a regular hospital room. I also found it strange that we were in a room by ourselves. Usually there were two to a room. We even had a bed near the window. A nurse came into the room. Aurick’s vision was blurry but not blurry enough to miss the nurse’s enormous breasts.
Aurick was half awake thanks to the hospital drugs. Something else was half awake also when the nurse came over to his side. She plumped his pillow. Aurick mumbled, “Thanks.” She smiled and brushed his hair back with her fingers. The nurse pulled out a syringe. I found it weird. I didn’t think we would need anesthesia. I went into her mind, which was filled with confusion and conflict. It was forcing me out, which was unusual. It was as if she had two minds. She did have two minds.
She squeezed the liquid to the top of the needle. She slowly moved the deadly instrument to Aurick’s arm. I told Aurick not to let her inject him. Aurick was too drugged up to react. Just as the needle touched Aurick’s skin, I jerked Aurick’s arm and grabbed the nurse’s hand at the last moment. She jerked back. Her face was filled with confusion and fear as if she herself had no idea what was going on. She dropped the syringe and ran away.
Five minutes later, a doctor came in, the one with that freaky crescent-shaped smile.
“What’s the big idea? You trying to kill me or something?” Aurick said groggily.
“My apologies, Mr. Pantera. I mixed you up with someone else,” he said, keeping that smile on his face. This was definitely Dr. Doctor. “Can’t stay out of hospitals can you?”
I connected with Dr. Doctor’s mind. “The side effects are getting worse. Though I am still in this human’s body, I am not in control. This body continues to get hallucinations and painful headaches. It also had another heart attack. Worst of all, I’m stuck.” My words seemed not to faze Dr. Doctor, as if he had seen this before. Then again nothing seemed to faze Dr. Doctor.
“Oh, that is unfortunate. At this rate, you’re going to go insane.”
Dr. Doctor’s words shocked Aurick so much that some of the anesthesia wore off at that moment. “What do you mean go insane?”
“That’s if you don’t die first.”
“Die?”
“Your mind is ripping itself apart trying to separate the two entities. The problem is that you’ve been fused together for so long you’re solidly embedded together.”
“How are you going to fix it?” Aurick and I said at the same time.
“I can’t fix anything.” At that moment, Aurick’s heart dropped. Sweat spewed forth. “If you’re lucky, your bodies will separate themselves after some time.”
Aurick and I thought the same thing: that was a lazy response. “There has to be something you can do,” Aurick said. “I can’t die like this.” And I can’t live like this, I thought.
Dr. Doctor paced around the room for a few seconds. “Maybe there’s something I can do.”
“What is it?” Aurick said quickly. He sat up and looked on eagerly for Dr. Doctor’s response.
“I can allow your other half to take control of your body.”
What a crappy solution. Fix the symptom but not the illness itself. What a typical doctor.
“Hell no.”
“Hell yes,” I said a second after Aurick.
“I don’t want him controlling my body anymore. He already has done enough damage to my life as it is.”
Oh, yeah, blame me for your miserable life. Typical human.
“I’m sorry but that’s the best I can do.” Dr. Doctor walked over to Aurick. He placed his thumb on Aurick’s forehead and gazed deep into his eyes and spit a glob of saliva into them. Aurick fell unconscious.
Aurick got up moments later, only this time, I was in control. I had that feeling of being in a wet bag of meat again.
“Thanks, Dr. Doctor. That knocks out one of my problems.”
“Glad I could help.”
“Too bad it’s not enough. There has to be some way of getting free of this monkey.” Dr. Doctor sat down at my bedside. “How much time do I have left?” It was annoying watching that smile while I was in so much pain.
“It can happen at any time. Ten years from now, next month, next week, tonight. It depends. All I can say for sure is that the more you use your abilities, the faster you both will be ripped apart. Fighting for dominance also speeds up your degeneration. The side effects will get much more severe and much more frequent.” Didn’t I ask this guy for an actual solution? “The only other thing I can think of is—”
“Hold that thought,” I said. I hadn’t seen Shelia in a while, and since I was already at the hospital, I might as well see how she was doing. I hopped out of bed. As I walked through the hallway, being followed by Dr. Doctor, I felt a mysterious draft. I forgot I was wearing a hospital gown. I immediately felt embarrassed.
I walked into Shelia’s room. She was alone. The other bed in her room was empty. She was smelling a flower. I believe it was a dandelion. She looked as if she was thinking of something. She seemed depressed.
“Hello, Shelia. How are you feeling?”
I startled her a bit but she seemed to be relieved and happy that I was there. “Hello, my dear. You got hurt again? What happened this time?”
“I had a little fall.”
“Oh my God. Are you all right?”
“Yes, I am fine.”
“I’ll pray for you anyway. What brings you here?”
“To see you of course. I’ve missed you.”
Shelia smiled. Her eyes swelled up with tears. “You always know just what to say to cheer me up.”
Out of all the humans I knew, I could say Shelia was one of my favorites. I felt that she needed some fresh air. She wasn’t supposed to leave her room, but Dr. Doctor allowed it. She was in no shape to walk. I took her to the roof by wheelchair. Though it was a bit chilly outside, it wasn’t windy at all. It was quite refreshing. I wheeled her over to the edge by the barrier. Shelia’s eyes wandered through the milky clouds. It was quite … pretty.
“Can I ask you a question, Aurick?”
“Yes, ma’am.”
Shelia didn’t say anything for a few seconds. She seemed scared to speak. “What do you think … heaven is like?”
Aurick’s gut wrenched. I felt my heart skip a beat. “I don’t … remember.”
“What do you mean you don’t remember?”
“I mean … I don’t know.”
Shelia laughed. “That would have made sense if you were an angel.”
I smiled and gave a short, genuine laugh. “I am not good enough to be an angel.”
We stayed up on the roof for about fifteen minutes.
“Can I ask you a favor?”
I smiled. “Anything you want, friend.”
“I want you to kill me.”
Aurick’s blood pressure shot up. I gripped the handle of the wheelchair tightly. The sweat on Aurick’s palms wet the handles. I came over in front of Shelia to face her. I knelt down so that I could be on eye level with her. I gazed into her cheerless, tearful eyes. They looked like a dog’s eyes after its master has died.
“That’s something I cannot do, friend. I am sorry.”
She sniffled and wiped away a tear, which was rolling down her cheek. “No. I am sorry for asking you that. I asked my son to do it but he didn’t have the heart to. I must’ve put him in so much distress because of that.” Shelia lowered her head. “I’ve been in so much pain lately. None of the medications are working anymore. I’m sick. I’m old. My hair is falling out. I’m ugly.” She lowered her head even lower.
I leaned in closer. I lifted her chin up with my finger to make eye contact with her. “No. You’re beautiful, Shelia.” That didn’t seem to cheer her up a bit. “Even when you’re facing death, you should fight to the end, even if it may be futile.” I wasn’t sure what I was saying. I wasn’t sure if I believed it myself.
“One day, I will be forgotten. Even by my own … son.”
I didn’t know what to say to that. I leaned toward her. My lips slowly met hers. I put Shelia into a deep trance. I absorbed all of her emotions and she absorbed all of mine. I felt her pain and suffering and she felt mine. I made her see herself as she was when she was young. Young, agile, healthy, cheerful. She played jump rope. She cooked. She fished. She partied. She ran a marathon. She was at bliss. Within the dream, I made love to her. It was as real as the real thing. When the trance was over, Shelia was fast asleep. I rested my forehead on hers. I heard gravel crunching as someone’s footsteps approached.
“This world is filled with so much pain and suffering. It’s such a shame,” Dr. Doctor said. He still had that smile on. “No matter how much she did in her lifetime, she will fall short against the final companion.” I didn’t move from my position. I wanted to feel Shelia’s warmth. “She will soon find eternal bliss. She will soon be released from this fantasy world. How beautiful.”
I didn’t want to hear any more of Dr. Doctor’s romanticizing. “Did you think of any way I could get free of this body?”
“You could set your body on fire and burn it to a crisp, freeing yourself.”
That wasn’t the answer I was looking for. “No thank you, Doc. Murder would get me sent to the Null. Not to mention the excruciating pain I would have to go through dying like that.”
Dr. Doctor sighed. His eyes wandered over the endless sky. It was dark enough to see some of the stars. “The things us Fallen must go through to achieve everlasting peace. For humans, it takes a journey through hell to find their God.” Dr. Doctor laughed. “For us, it takes a journey through hell to find … slumbering death.”
Dr. Doctor had always been a philosopher. His ideas had got him in trouble back in the days before man. I myself always found him to be weird. But in a way, I also found his strange ideals to be a breath of fresh air. His individuality often gave me … peace of mind.
But not today. I was done with my treatment so I found no reason to stay any longer. I took Shelia’s sleeping body back to her room. I picked her up from her wheelchair and gently placed her on her bed. I kissed her forehead.
I went back to my room and put on my clothes. As I headed toward the exit of the hospital, Dr. Doctor came running at full speed after me. He looked troubled. He stopped before me. He was panting and coughing like crazy. “Oh my goodness, Mr. Pantera!”
“What? What happened?” I said, alarmed.
Dr. Doctor stretched out his arm, his hand clenched. He was still panting. He opened his hand. “I almost forgot to give you your reward. You’ve been such a good boy.”
It was a lollipop. I took it and put it into my pocket.
The next few days were intense. I felt nothing but paranoia. I had no protection. Lofie could come at any moment. I stayed awake as long as I could. I kept Sephirot with me while I slept. If Lofie tried to sneak up on me, he would spook Sephirot, which would alert me. I couldn’t even see Lofie if I was awake anyway, so I set mirrors up all around the apartment and kept a small one with me in my pocket at all times. This would enhance my vision, allowing me to see spiritual beings from Nameless. Shopping for bed comforters didn’t even clear my head anymore. I was jumpy every time I saw a shadow. I couldn’t believe it, but I even wanted Aisely around to guard me. And I began to realize that I missed him. Sephirot wasn’t enough. I needed company.
I went down to Terra’s home. Walked of course. She was there. Her eyes widened in surprise. “Holy Christ, speak of the devil. I was just talking on the phone about you.”
“Hopefully not everything.”
She pulled my arm eagerly. “Make yourself at home.” She guided me to her couch. “I’ll make you a cup of coffee.”
“I’d rather have tea. Oh, and grape jelly in it please.” She took my order and walked toward the kitchen. “And a tomato please.” I looked around her apartment. It was a mess. Pizza boxes were piled up in a corner sheltering roaches. Magazines dated months ago were on the floor. Empty soda bottles littered the table. The floor was sticky from dried juice. I need to help this dear girl clean up.
“Coming right up.” She came back and gave me my desirables. She got the order right. I could always count on Terra to do things for me. I patted her on her head. She sat next to me on the couch. She rested her feet on the table in front of us and turned the television on with the remote control. The news was on. At first I wasn’t paying any attention. I just wanted another presence, but then there was a segment about a cult.
“We bring you tragic news. A reported two hundred and eight people have been found dead. It seems to be a mass suicide. Resources say these victims were part of an underground cult that has been launching deadly attacks throughout the city for some time now. …”
“What is this world coming to?” Terra said, covering her mouth in disgust. “Why in the world would they kill themselves like that?”
I pinned some of the tomato on the rim of the mug like a lemon and sipped it. It was quite yummy.
The reporter went on. “This case is being intensely investigated. There is also an issue being raised about forcing all religious leaders and cultlike organizations to consult the government about all activities and beliefs they are practicing. This would put all establishments of religion under close surveillance and would leave little room for privacy. This is surely kicking up a storm.
“Our next story is about a woman who was eaten alive by a hammerhead shark in Coney Island. Back to you, Tom.”
I wondered if Helena was yanking her hair out right about now. She wanted to be the first to expose them. She was investigating for weeks to expose them and now everybody knew about it. At least she would be safe now. I couldn’t figure out why Adilah would finish themselves off like that. Did Lofie do this? Why would he after he told me he would need to do one last attack? Did I somehow cause this to happen? I looked to Terra. She was so focused and still broken up by the news. I couldn’t remember the last time I felt hurt for another person. I couldn’t remember the last time I felt at all.
“Terra?”
“Mmhmm?” Terra said, still locked to the television.
“Do you think I’m a bad person?”
Terra quickly tore herself from the television and focused on me. “What makes you ask that?”
I couldn’t bear looking at her. I looked forward and sipped my tea. “I just feel like … I made Kid’s, Doughy’s, and your life worse.”
Terra smiled gently. She moved closer to my side. I didn’t look at her and kept my focus forward at the television.
“That’s just silly, Aurick. Of course you haven’t made our lives worse. In fact, I think you made it better. What’s wrong?”
“Sometimes I believe I bring pain to everyone I meet.”
“Oh, Aurick.” Terra moved to my side and put her arm around my shoulder. “You’re the nicest guy I’ve ever met. And trust me, I’ve been through many to know that. Before you entered into my life, my life was a hell. I felt like I could never live on my own. I was a parasite.” Terra’s eyes got a bit watery. She still maintained a warm smile. “Remember that time that jerk laid a hand on me?”
