Lovelorn, p.1
Lovelorn, page 1
Lovelorn
Jon Athan
Copyright © 2020 Jon Athan
All Rights Reserved.
This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, businesses, places, events and incidents are either the products of the author’s imagination or used in a fictitious manner. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, or actual events is purely coincidental.
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Thank you for the support!
First Edition
WARNING
This book contains scenes of intense violence and some disturbing themes. Some parts of this book may be considered violent, cruel, disturbing, or unusual. This book is not intended for those easily offended or appalled. Please enjoy at your own discretion.
Table of Contents
Chapter One
Chapter Two
Chapter Three
Chapter Four
Chapter Five
Chapter Six
Chapter Seven
Chapter Eight
Chapter Nine
Chapter Ten
Chapter Eleven
Chapter Twelve
Chapter Thirteen
Chapter Fourteen
Chapter Fifteen
Chapter Sixteen
Chapter Seventeen
Chapter Eighteen
Chapter Nineteen
Chapter One
Lovelorn
Lovelorn: unhappy because of unrequited love.
“I thought you loved me,” Benjamin Crawford said, his voice breaking like a young, embarrassed teenager’s.
He was twenty-four years old, tall and lean. He wore a beanie every day to hide his thinning black hair and receding hairline. The hat was practically stitched to his scalp. His large, dark pupils—ringed with dim blue irises—revealed his depression and spoke volumes about his insecurities. And his insecurities turned into voices in his head.
One voice said: she never loved you.
Another voice said: no one could love a balding faggot like you.
The sides of his mouth twitched as he tried to force a smile. He lost that battle. His eyes welled with tears and his lips sank into a frown.
He asked, “You love me, don’t you?”
Eighteen-year-old Madison Murphy stood before him. She was known as a social media influencer, although many referred to her as an ‘e-girl’ due to her style. She had brown hair with gray streaks, her bangs reaching down to her eyebrows. She wore a black tube top under a large flannel shirt, tight jeans, and Doc Martens. She was about a foot shorter than Benjamin, but she was one spunky kid.
She established a following by posting provocative pictures and edgy memes on the internet. People—mostly men—were attracted to her youth and her appearance.
She leaned against the back of Benjamin’s black SUV. She shook her head and narrowed her bloodshot eyes to slits. She had smoked a bowl of marijuana earlier in the night, so she was still high. She glanced around. They were in a wooded area, illuminated by the stars and the red glow of the SUV’s blinking hazard lights. She could see a tall office building to her left, but all of the lights were off inside.
She asked, “What time is it?”
“Answer the question, Madison.”
“What question?”
“Do you love me?”
Madison turned her head to the side and said, “Come on, Benny, I don’t want to talk about that stuff. This was supposed to be, like, a chill night, remember?” She beckoned to him and said, “Come on, take me home. I wanna sleep already. I got so–”
“We’re not going anywhere until we talk about this,” Benjamin interrupted. Tears dripped from his eyes as he blinked. He said, “You can’t… You can’t drag me along forever. I need you to tell me the truth. I need… I… I need the fucking truth, Madison! Do you love me? Yes or no?”
Madison lowered her head, made an ‘O’ with her lips, then blew out loudly in disappointment. She had no idea what he was talking about. Love? She never professed her love to him. They never had sex before. She kissed him on the cheek a couple of times, but those were nothing more than friendly pecks. She treated him like a close friend or an older brother.
She said, “The truth is: I don’t love you, Benny.”
Benjamin grimaced and staggered, as if he had just been hit in the gut with a sledgehammer. His tears cascaded across his rosy cheeks—endless.
Madison smiled nervously and said, “Benny, come on. I don’t love you, but that… that doesn’t mean anything. We’re friends. We’re good friends. I care about you. And I trust you, you know? You’re not an asshole like those other guys.”
“Like… Like that guy you… that guy you kissed at the concert? That… That fucking Chad?”
“Chad?” Madison repeated, giggling. “Who the hell is Chad? His name was Michael and we were just–”
“I don’t want to know his fucking name!”
Madison hopped and gasped, startled by Benjamin’s shout. She stepped back until she crashed into the SUV. They stood in a tense silence. It was as if the wind had stopped blowing and the trees had stopped rustling. Madison saw a feral, desperate look in Benjamin’s eyes. He resembled a man fighting for survival.
But no one was threatening him.
Madison said, “Benjamin, you’re scaring me.”
“Did you know Michael before we went to the concert?”
“Wha–What?”
“Did you know him? Did you invite him there? Because he looked like he knew you, Madison.”
Madison stuttered, “S–So what? Wha–What are you trying to say?”
Benjamin approached her. Madison sprawled herself out against the SUV’s rear hatch, arms outstretched. They stood less than a yard away from each other.
Benjamin wagged his finger at her and asked, “How many guys have you been seeing behind my back? Huh? Are you fucking them? Did you… Oh God, someone else has been orbiting you, right? You fell in love with him, didn’t you? What? Huh? What?! He looked better than me?!” He took off his beanie and yelled, “He has better hair than me?! Is that it?!”
“Oh my God,” Madison whimpered.
She was crying now, too. She looked to her left, then her right. Benjamin was too close, so she couldn’t escape.
She stuttered, “Ben–Benny, what is going–”
“You’ve been using me, haven’t you?”
“Using you? Are you crazy?”
“It’s true. You used me for rides to school and the mall. You treated me like a… like a fucking… a chauffeur or whatever you call ‘em. You smoked my weed and drank my beer with your friends. I lent you money. I bought you presents, Madison. I bought you jewelry from fucking Tiffany and clothes from Burberry. I spent so much fucking money on you.”
“Hey. Hey, my love isn’t for sale,” Madison snapped, puffy-eyed. “I’m not some hooker, okay? You gave me those gifts because… because… You said it was because we were good friends. Those were your words. And that’s what we are, Benjamin: Good. Friends. And this… this isn’t how friends treat each other. This is scary, bro. I’m, like… I’m shook right now.”
Benjamin heard the fear in her voice. He saw his reflection on the rear window with each blink of the hazard lights. He looked like a large, warped shadow in the red glow. He didn’t realize he was shaking until he glanced at his hand. He was blinded by his rage. He almost lost control of himself. He lowered his hand and drew a sharp breath.
Madison breathed a shaky sigh of relief. Her arms fell to her sides. She thought about sidestepping away from him, but she didn’t want to aggravate the situation. Do what he says and everything will be fine, she thought.
Benjamin said, “Yeah, um… I’m sorry.”
“It–It’s okay. I get it. It was just a misunderstanding.”
“Yeah, but… I need to know something, Madison. Do I… Ah, shit, do I have a chance with you?”
“A chance with me?”
“You know what I mean. You said we’re good friends, so maybe we can be something more. I’m not talking about right now, but, like, in the future, you know? Do I have a chance to get with you?”
Yes—it was a lie, but Madison believed it would have ended the conversation and led to her safe return home. But she didn’t want to string him along. She liked him because of his taste in music and movies as well as his sense of humor. She wasn’t attracted to him, though, and she was afraid of him because of his recent outbursts. They weren’t dating, but he was already jealous and obsessive.
Benjamin was dangerous and unhinged. Madison was young, she didn’t have a lot of experience in dating, but even she could see that.
She said, “I’ll walk home or catch an Uber. Good night, Benny.”
Benjamin pressed his knuckles against her chest and pushed her back against the rear hatch. He pinned her to the SUV and glared at her. Pupils dilated with fear, Madison looked at his fist, then at his angry eyes, and then at his fist again. Her breathing intensified as she tried to squirm away, but his knuckles were buried in her soft flesh.
“Do I have a chance to get with you?” Benjamin repeated.
Madison choked down the lump in her throat with one loud gulp. Tragic news headlines flooded her mind: teen beheads girlfriend in a jealous rage; teenage girl shot and killed by ex-boyfriend; Instagram influencer found dead in a suitcase. Things like that—shootings, stabbings, beheadings—were supposed to happen to other people in other parts of the world.
She never thought it would happen to her. She saw herself as a harmless, innocent eighteen-year-old girl. She never intentionally hurt anyone. She wasn’t manipulative or aggressive. She didn’t bully her peers. She was only trying to live life to the fullest. Why would anyone want to hurt someone like me?—she thought.
In Benjamin’s eyes, she saw the evil of humanity for the first time in her young life. She stood in the presence of an unhinged killer. Yes, no, maybe—her vocabulary was deleted. She couldn’t say a word.
Through his gritted teeth, Benjamin hissed, “I knew it. You were trying to trick me. You’re always tricking me. You–You manipulate guys like me to get what you want. Then you act like the victim when guys take what they want from you. When we take what you promised! What we deserve! You’re just like all of the other bitches out there, Madison! You’re a cunt! You’re all cunts! Selfish, stupid, ugly, fake, disgusting cunts!”
He swung his other fist at Madison’s face, but he stopped before he could make contact. Madison gasped and recoiled in fear. She ducked and squeezed out of Benjamin’s grip. She crawled out from under him on all fours. Benjamin screamed in frustration as he punched the rear window—left, right, left, right. The SUV wobbled with each blow. His knuckles cracked while the window remained unblemished.
“Oh my God,” Madison whimpered.
She struggled to her feet. Hands and knees stained with mud, she hurried away from the SUV. She walked, albeit quickly, because she didn’t want to arouse any suspicion. She believed she could sneak away.
From the SUV, Benjamin barked, “Madison! Madison, don’t leave! Don’t you fucking leave me, you bitch!”
“Leave me alone!” Madison cried out without looking back. She panted in short, desperate breaths. She whispered, “Please don’t follow me, please don’t follow me, please don’t follow me.”
A gust of wind rushed through the woods, hurling dirt, leaves, and branches towards the SUV. The tree branches creaked and groaned while the leaves rustled. The engine of a car roared on a road beyond the trees, followed by another humming engine. The tense silence in the woods was replaced by chaos, matching the confusion and disarray in Madison’s mind. She couldn’t concentrate.
Her eyes widened as she heard the rapid footsteps behind her. She didn’t have the opportunity to turn around. Thud! Her vision went black, her body stiffened up, and she fell forward. She landed face-first in the mud. Blood leaked out of a gash on the back of her head, dying her gray streaks red. The moist mud bubbled around her head as she struggled to breathe.
Benjamin stood behind her, carrying a large, jagged stone in his hands. He stood motionless for a minute, ashen-faced and wide-eyed. His face said something along the lines of: what the hell did I just do? His mind had been plagued with violent thoughts since he was a child. For years, he fantasized about hurting the people who hurt him. But he never went through with it.
The stone landed in the mud between his feet. He dug his muddy fingers into his thin hair and stepped back.
“No, no, no,” he muttered. “What did I do? What… What do I do now? Fuck, oh fuck, Madison… Madison, I’m sorry. Please say something. Hey, come on, say some… Fuck!”
He grabbed her shoulder and rolled her onto her back. She tilted her head back and jutted her chin out repeatedly, as if she were about to cough up a hairball. Her lips fluttered and the mud spurted away from her face as she hacked and gasped for air. Thin slits of her red sclerae were visible through her narrowed eyelids. Her eyes were rolling back.
Benjamin grabbed Madison’s legs and dragged her back to the SUV. He found some comfort in the hazard lights. The red glow made it harder for him to see the blood trickling out of her scalp. He opened the rear hatch, then he slammed it shut. Trunks were used for cargo and dead bodies, but he wasn’t ready to accept the severity of Madison’s wound. He didn’t want to transport her in his trunk and dump her body somewhere like a serial killer. He wanted to save her.
So, he ran to the side of the SUV and opened the passenger door instead. Living people rode shotgun after all. Then he ran back to the rear of the SUV.
“Oh shit,” he muttered as he slid to a stop. He tugged on his hair and screamed, “No! No! Shit! This can’t be happening! Please, no!”
Madison convulsed on the ground. Saliva and mud frothed on her mouth. She gritted her teeth until the enamel cracked and her gums bled. She let out slow, pained groans, chest rising and falling rapidly as she panicked. Fists clenched and toes curled, her limbs trembled uncontrollably. She went into shock due to her serious brain trauma.
Sobbing between every word, Benjamin rubbed his face with both hands and said, “I’m… sorry. Madison… no… God… why? No… No… please.”
He threw a flurry of jabs at the rear window. He scuffed the window while shattering his knuckles. He felt the burning pain across his hands and forearms, but he couldn’t tame his fury. He was angry at Madison, himself, and the world. The violent thoughts invaded his mind once again. Violence caused the problem, so violence could solve it.
“You brought this on yourself,” he whispered as he took a pocket-knife out of his back pocket.
He opened it with a flick of his wrist. A serrated three-inch blade snapped out of the handle. His hand trembled—partly due to his broken bones, partly due to his fear. He crouched beside Madison. She had stopped shaking, but her head continued to roll from side to side. She didn’t open her eyes, but she clung to life. She wasn’t ready to die.
She didn’t have much of a choice, though.
Tears dripping with each blink, voice trembling, Benjamin said, “I told you everything about me. I bought you clothes and jewelry and perfume because… because I loved seeing you happy. Your smile was so cute, so beautiful. I want to see you smile again. After everything I did for you, you can at least give me that, can’t you?”
Benjamin’s voice sounded muffled in Madison’s ears. She couldn’t remember how she ended up on the ground. She couldn’t remember the concert earlier that night or her kiss with Michael. Distorted images from her past flashed in her mind—shattered memories. She thought about her mother, her father, and her older sister.
Benjamin grabbed her chin and forced the blade into Madison’s mouth. He sawed into her left cheek, starting at the corner of her mouth and stopping near her ear. And he wiggled the blade every inch of the way to widen the wound. Her cheek collapsed into her mouth as two flaps of flesh. The blood from her soft tissue stained her teeth, but some white from her pearly enamel was still visible.
Madison coughed as drops of blood hit the back of her throat. Some blood flowed into her ear canal, too, further damaging her hearing.
Benjamin repeated his actions on her right cheek. Due to Madison’s coughing, the blade zigzagged across her cheek. The flaps blew away from her face as she wheezed. The blade had also sliced into her tongue. The inside of her mouth was red—blood-red. He carved a Glasgow smile onto her face. It didn’t bring any joy to him.
Face caked with mud and painted with blood, cheeks cut open and mutilated, he couldn’t find her beauty now. Her heavenly luster was gone.
He said, “I’m sorry, Maddie, but you made me do this. You… You bitch!”
He thrust the blade into the side of Madison’s neck. He pulled it in and out, slowly sawing into her throat. A three-inch blade could only get him so far. He pushed the blade as deep as possible with each thrust. He felt some resistance as he cut through her firm muscles. It was a bloody mess, and it only got bloodier as he severed her jugular. The blood shot out in geysers.
One.
Two.
Three.
Four long squirts.
The blood turned the mud under her body into a patch of red sludge. He lost his grip on the handle a few times because of the blood, too. He scraped her spine, but he couldn’t snap it at that angle. There wasn’t enough space in the manmade crevice on her neck. He cut her Adam’s apple in half, severed her trachea, and sliced into her esophagus. He reached the center of her neck, but he couldn’t tolerate the pain in his hand anymore.
