Anarchy, p.8
Anarchy, page 8
I hadn’t known until after, but my mother was part of a radical group considered terrorists to society, sheltering any of their children who perfumed and not teaching them about the injection until it was too late.
The Convent worked hard to adopt every child discovered that way so they weren’t sent into an unforgiving system in the cities that would never give them a path to salvation or safety.
The alpha said nothing as we walked, and I tried to settle my nerves.
Naturally, my body, which ached from years of payments, reacted to him. There was a heat creeping up my neck, and my pulse raced, instincts daring me to shift closer. There was also slick pooling in my underwear, but I tried hard to ignore that.
None of it was in his control, and he’d spent the time to escort me. I wouldn’t return that with disrespect.
He was, I assumed, a younger packless alpha, since his scent was out in the open. Packless alphas wouldn’t scent match an omega, but those in packs typically opted into full scent blockers, as they would never want to risk scent matching a corrupted.
Of course, while other members of the congregation muted their scents, ours was required to be entirely smothered, as mine was right now.
Finally, I heard the low hum of conversation approaching. The breeze hit my face as we stepped out into the colonnade that connected the Sisters’ house to the worship building.
I stifled my smile, looking forward to stepping into the sea of scents. Hearing the gossip and talk of people who lived such strange and different lives than I did. Lives I would never have.
I was happy that he spoke to a few people on the way in. I heard a few questions about his choice to bring me, to which his response was humble.
“I overheard Sister Josephine say they didn’t have enough escorts last week,” he said. “Each of us should have the chance to hear the word.”
I think one clapped the other on the shoulder. “Blessed are those who take time for the sinners!” the other voice responded. “Luke, you’re going to make a fine pack lead.”
I froze, processing that.
Luke?
The congregation was large, but I’d been here for so many years, I knew enough about those that frequented the services.
There was only one Luke—Luke Anderson—and I never thought he would take time to lead one of us to the Service.
He was the son of the Anderson pack, led by one of our High Priests.
When he led us into the service, it was up the steps and to the back. I was a little sad about it, since it didn’t plant me in the middle of the thick of it, but I wouldn’t be ungrateful for being here.
He stepped into the pew first, sitting down beside the end of the row, which was unusual. Most often I was ushered in first so it was easy for me to find a seat—but then maybe he wasn’t used to this.
I hesitated, trying to figure out the best way to step by him. The pews weren’t all that far apart, and I didn’t want to be disrespectful.
I settled on facing him and trying to edge by. My heart skipped a beat as I felt his hand brush my hip over my dress—helping me navigate, of course—but no one had ever touched me like that before. I was so tripped up by it that I missed the final step, my foot catching his, and almost fell. My hands snapped out, one finding the back of the pew, the other his arm.
I knew the mistake the moment I’d made it.
It wasn’t my gloved hand.
I didn’t touch alphas—not ever—but I’d been taught what would happen when I did. Sure enough, I felt a sharp surge of desperate need—worse with every heat I suffered through. It was so overwhelming a whine almost slipped from my chest. I managed to reduce it to a squeak, shifting my grip instantly to the pew, and dragging myself down to sit beside him.
Oh no.
Would he feel what I had?
My cheeks were burning, and panic took flight in my chest. We were about to start the service, and I’d just given him a huge spike of lust. Would he know? Or would my uninvited arousal stay smothered by the blockers? He hadn’t moved beside me, but his scent had shifted to something different.
Dangerous… or… wanting…?
I bit my lip, fists scrunching my dress in my lap.
“I’m s-so sorry,” I whispered.
We were never supposed to speak first once we’d left the room, but I didn’t know what else to do.
He said nothing, and I swallowed, hunching in on myself.
His scent was still… different, charred around the edges, as if he were trying to restrain himself.
I barely noticed as the sermon began, time slipping by in a strange panic.
Would he tell the Sisters?
I’d be punished—and that might be anything from being given more chores to being called into Head Sister Matilda’s office. But would they ban me from returning here again?
Maybe I could ask that only a Sister bring me in the future?
But that might make me seem unsuited for alpha contact, and being selected by a Chosen alpha pack was my only chance at something new.
Oh gosh…
If he told them, it would surely affect my chances…
I wanted to be selected by a Chosen pack. Once selected, that omega has served her punishment for being a gold pack and is considered saved.
Heats alone were so painful—I wanted to have paid enough.
When would it be enough?
Tears burned my eyes and I tried to blink them back behind the blindfold.
Selfish…
I chided myself.
The speaker at the front had to be almost finished, and still, Luke at my side was stiff.
All this time I was worried about myself—while he’d given me the opportunity to be here, and I’d ruined it. I’d turned what should be holy into something evil.
I spent the rest of the ceremony in numb fear, not hearing a word of the sermon.
Finally, he stood, and we walked back out through the crowds. He spoke to no one, which set my nerves on edge. The sharp edge of his scent had dulled a little now, and I could only still catch it because I was paying attention, but I doubt he wanted to risk anyone else realizing.
I’d spoiled the sermon for him, embarrassed him, and now he wasn’t able to speak to anyone.
All because I wasn’t careful.
Finally, I heard the familiar low sweep of my room door opening.
He stepped inside with me.
I felt a breath of relief, just inhaling the faintest trace of my room. It wasn’t much of a nest, as those instincts had to be carefully monitored, should it drive us mad, but it had the faintest traces that marked it mine. The slight undercurrent of velvet rose and cocoa, as if it had fused with the stone.
He released his arm from mine and I turned, but he was still close enough for me to feel the heat of his body. I took a single step backward before stalling.
“I’m sorry,” I whispered again. “I was careless.”
Silence passed.
Was that the wrong thing to do?
Was his scent getting sharper again?
What was happening? I didn’t think I was doing anything now.
“You must pray for forgiveness.” His voice was a hot breath in my ear, making me jump.
“Right… now?” I asked.
He wanted to make sure I did it, perhaps?
Maybe it would help him let go of the frustration I’d given him.
The silence seemed to be a ringing yes, and I had to grab his sleeve to balance as I sank down to my knees, as I couldn’t remove my blindfold until he was gone.
My mind scrambled to come up with a prayer of repentance, but even when I found it, it wasn’t one I ever managed to speak.
Silence rang in my ears, the world just a series of movements and sounds. At some point I’d heard a zipper, but I wasn’t processing much of anything.
The blindfold had fallen, Luke’s grip had dislodged it, and my eyes were squeezed shut in terror.
The movements slowed around me.
It was over, I thought.
But this wasn’t right. My heart was beating too quickly in my chest, and all I knew was that I was afraid. I wanted to cry.
I didn’t know why I was upset, though. I’d sometimes squint down at the unbonded alphas in the courtyard from my small window, and my dreams were sinful, so I didn’t understand why this was making me feel so afraid.
It was me that was all wrong.
Shouldn’t I want this?
But the man before me was Luke Anderson. He was an alpha. The son of a High Priest. They were the pillars of virtue. It couldn’t be sinful… unless… unless it was because I’d broken him.
Oh lord.
I’d corrupted him. I’d tricked him into intimacy that we should never engage in before bonding.
“Get up.” The words blitzed past my shock, and I thought he might have said them twice.
I staggered to my feet, shaking, eyes still squeezed shut.
My fear was embarrassing. I should understand what was happening, but I didn’t, and shame was a vicious monster, clawing its way through my heart.
I heard the sound of his zipper for the second time as he did up his pants.
Relief flooded my chest.
That was good.
It was over.
He was done.
I still didn’t know what was going on and I needed to clear my head.
All I could think of was seizing the blankets from my bed and crawling beneath them. I wanted to cry, but that would be stupid.
He was going, though, right?
Then I could… I could figure this all out.
But he hadn’t moved.
His scent was still like a rising storm.
Finally, I jumped as his hand closed around my chin. I felt him take a step closer, and I flinched back. My eyes flickered open for just a second. I saw Luke with chestnut brown hair, pale skin, and hazel eyes. They were wild right now, though, pupils blown.
I shut my eyes again, breath catching.
His fingers gripped my hair all of a sudden, and then he leaned close, lips brushing my neck.
Okay.
That was all, then he would go.
Why was I so scared?
My heart felt like it was trying to smash my ribs open as he pressed his lips to my neck again, free hand finding the collar of my dress. I bit back a whimper, instinctively gripping his hand as if to hold him still, adjusting my wrist to crush the neckline of my dress against my skin. I didn’t push him away, I didn’t want to upset him, but my grip dug in as if it would stop everything.
Please stop.
My terrified thought never made it past my lips.
I couldn’t say that to him. I couldn’t tell him what to do. I didn’t even know why he was doing it. I was just afraid. I wanted him to stop whatever was happening.
If he left now, everything would be okay, and this twisted thing inside my chest would go away.
I could cry on my own and not embarrass myself.
None of it mattered, though, because it was at that moment that the door to my room burst open, and Head Sister Matilda came striding in.
CRESCENT
Present - Anarchy
Silence weighed on me like a blanket of lead.
I was numb, having lain here in this cramped bed for hours. Sprawled out, face down at my side, was Sin. And Karma was curled up beside me, arms still trapping me in place. The room was still but for the rise and fall of his chest.
My fingers brushed his cheek, pressed so tight against me as he held on.
So intense. So protective.
And the truth was, I’d never felt so safe.
But he was gone. The smile. The beauty. The person within.
Corrupted.
Sin said he would come back, but I didn’t think that was true.
I knew they were desperate to keep me calm, but he’d been much less confident when I’d overheard him talking to Phantom. It was making them a target on top of everything else, and if he didn’t understand what corruption was, then he didn’t know what a risk I was. I was putting Phantom at risk, too.
A tear slid down my cheek.
Sin might be an omega, but he didn’t know how weak I was. When I’d been in the bathroom with Karma, we’d been so close. He’d been smiling and I’d… I’d let go.
Beneath the stream of hot water, I’d cracked, filled with lust. My palm had pressed to his chest and I’d…
I shut my eyes.
Never before had I been possessed with such evil.
That was why he’d gone mad—I knew it.
I wondered what Sin would have thought of me getting intimate with Karma so quickly?
There was no way he wouldn’t be shocked by such debauchery.
He was strong, he provided for his pack, did things I’d never be able to, and he obviously knew about his designation; plus he wasn’t a gold pack.
It had never occurred to me that I’d be matched with an omega. They didn’t talk about omega pairings at the Convent, or male omegas at all. Only female gold packs lived with the Sisters, and we were only spoken to about alpha mates, as if there were something secret about omega scent matches.
But when Sin had told me he was an omega… I’d never felt so elated in my life. In another world, where this could work out, maybe he could teach me how to be better.
They were fighting for their lives in here, and I was destroying them.
I jumped as I felt another aura burst into the air, faint, but present.
From the next dorm?
Why did an alpha keep doing that?
It wasn’t quiet, and something told me this place never was. I could hear the howls of insanity, distant and far, the low echoing screams. The dull bangs, as if someone was smashing their body against a metal wall.
The others in the room were sleeping through everything, which indicated it was normal.
My eyes drifted to the door with the little window on it. Occasionally, I’d see a flash of movement from my vantage. Then nothing.
Another of them for me to break.
I was ruining them.
I had ruined them.
I’d already crossed so many lines. They’d seen my eyes, my body, even… I squeezed my eyes shut.
Guilt clawed at my chest, drawing more tears to my eyes.
They couldn’t even dark bond me, not with Sin in the pack. Dark bonds and princess bonds limited a pack to only one omega. So the only option would be a normal bond, and that wouldn’t be enough to contain the corruption—not if we were scent matches.
How was it possible I wouldn’t destroy them all?
And to that, I had no answer. I’d been weak over and over, and I would fail again.
The tiny rays of a future I’d been fighting toward—the chance at forgiveness—it was all gone, now.
But this was Sin’s pack.
Sin’s alphas.
I would break them all before he could stop me.
As I curled up in warmer arms than had ever held me before, I began to formulate a plan to save them.
11
Nine days until appeal
CRESCENT
By morning I knew what I had to do.
It was the only way, and I would only have one chance.
I slept fitfully, weaselling my way out of Karma and Sin’s arms as they slept. When I tried to leave the room, the door was locked, and I remembered Sin mentioning that it stayed locked from night until morning.
So nerves gripped my stomach as I laid in bed beside their comforting warmth, waiting for the sound of the door unlocking.
When I heard it I tried to bolt from bed, but Sin’s arm wrapped around my waist.
“Where are you going, beautiful?” he asked.
I looked back at him, trying to memorize every plane of his face so I’d always remember. “Um, just the bathroom.”
He grunted and released me, falling back into the bed. I needed to sneak past him to get out of the cell, but how? Karma’s snores were so loud they practically vibrated the mattress, but when I glanced at the other bed I met Phantom’s soft brown eyes. He was awake too.
My teeth sank into my bottom lip. I couldn’t spend a second longer with them, or the corruption could be too much.
Rushing to the bathroom, I used the toilet in the stall and then stood by the sink, staring at myself in the mirror.
How was I going to…
A throat cleared. “Mind if we come in?” Phantom asked. I could just see Sin over his shoulder. “Only one bathroom, and I desperately need a shower.”
My cheeks flushed as I flashed back to the previous day. Karma in the shower with me, abs in full view.
I had to make sure I didn’t touch Phantom like that or he’d be the next one to lose his mind and soul.
But this was an opportunity…
“Yes, uh, come in.”
Both of them strolled casually through the door and into the large tiled room, Sin going to the sink and grabbing a toothbrush while Phantom stripped his shirt. I swallowed and avoided looking too far down his body, even as I walked up to grab his hand.
Closing my eyes, I lifted his arm up and rubbed my chin against it, scent marking him.
Sinner.
Seductress.
Corrupter.
It needed to be done, but the Sister’s teachings nagged me all the same.
His scent of gunmetal became sharp, but I scurried away before he could pull me closer.
Sin was next. I wrapped my arms around him and climbed onto his back, indulging myself by taking a deep breath. His blockers were wearing off, his scent of desert eclipse almost at full force—the first time I’d scented him directly.
Then I scent marked his shoulder, near the crook of his neck.
He groaned, the sensation vibrating through me until I released him and hopped down to the ground.
“What was that for?” he asked.
“You said we were mates. I have to give Karma one too, it’s only fair.”
They didn’t stop me as I hurried from the bathroom, closing the door behind me.
But I didn’t pause at Karma—I couldn’t risk it. I headed straight to the cell door, intent on escape.
