Codename lotus, p.28
Codename Lotus, page 28
Safe, safe, safe. You’re safe.
We pulled back. I brushed tears from her cheeks, then threaded my fingers into her hair. “Finally,” I breathed, our foreheads touching.
She trembled, palms skimming up my arms.
I brushed my nose along her cheek, only a breath from her lips—
“Don’t,” she whispered.
I froze and pulled back. “Of course—I’m—I’m sorr—”
“It’s not that.” She took my hands, eyes flicking around the room. “This was my room with him.”
Relief washed through me—sharp and shamefully selfish. It wasn’t a rejection. My body was like a new instrument, every note she played in me vibrating too loud. I was completely at her mercy.
I squeezed her hands, and she looked down.
“Too many things happened here that I’d rather forget.”
I wanted to stop her right there because I did not need the details. But how could I? She had been silenced long enough. Whatever I could carry for her, I would. “You don’t owe me an explanation,” I said with a kind of gentleness I had never practiced. “No means no. And that’s that.”
She wrapped my waist, rested her forehead on my shoulder. “You have no idea how much I want it.” Her confession should have sounded muffled, but it sounded intimate instead.
A current went through me. “Want what?”
She stood in flats. The height difference did something strange to me—thrilling, protective, new. I had never been taller than any of my past lovers. Her fingers traced barely-there lines up my arms, and the sweetness of her breath fanning against my lips… Is this what a woman’s touch feels like? There was so much intention behind it, a silent understanding between us.
“To kiss you. To…”
“So do I.”
She exhaled sharply, gripping a fistful of my blouse. “What is this between us?” she whispered. “How?”
“I don’t know.” I glanced past her at the open window, the smell of champa threading the night air. When I looked back, her eyes were lit with something that made my ribs ache.
I swallowed so much back down my throat. It wasn’t in my character to have conversations of this nature. This felt disgustingly close to something torn from a page of Romeo and Juliet. And still…
“All I know is I don’t want to live in a world where you’re not with me,” I said. “Both of you.”
Saanya’s eyes widened. Her gaze dipped to her belly, then back.
“I know that somehow, at some point, my platonic care for you turned into something…else. Something I don’t understand but that I want. That I need,” I said, watching Saanya’s chest—her sharp intake of air. “Please,” I begged. And that did it.
“Naomi,” she murmured.
I slid my thumb over her lips. “I’ve wanted to say that for so long.”
“Did you—feel this way when I was with you?”
“No. Not at first.” I searched her eyes. “Maybe I felt it. But I wasn’t ready to acknowledge it. That night, I knew what I was doing. It wasn’t an impulse. I had thought about it. But it was losing you—the aftermath of not having you in my life that forced me to face it.”
Saanya swallowed.
“Why did you leave?” The question broke out of me. “Lea said you went willingly. And your silence after. The fact that you didn’t want to see me. I know I treated you—”
Her eyes shone with hurt and a festering silence.
“I’m sorry,” I said. “For pushing you away. For confusing you. I was a coward. Please forgive me.”
Her throat worked.
“Why didn’t you answer my text messages, Saanya? My calls? Why did you shut me out after everything—why agree to come with him?”
I caught the edge in my tone, but before I could take it back, Saanya’s voice broke right through mine. “Because I love you! Don’t you understand?”
…
The air punched out of my lungs.
“I think I never stopped,” she murmured. “When Mohan came to Geneva and mentioned your engagement—which I already felt responsible for breaking…”
“Saanya, you didn’t—”
“I know. But I was what pushed it to the edge. I had disrupted your life in so many ways.”
I sighed. “There wasn’t much left of my relationship with Ethan. If not then, it might have happened a few months down the line.”
“I didn’t want those men on your trail, Naomi. So, since I was the target, I moved away from everyone I care about.”
“I figured as much,” I said. “That you were protecting all of us.”
Saanya nodded, and only now did I take her in.
In detail.
Her belly had barely grown. If I’d waited much longer, I might’ve found only bones and willpower. Saanya still looked beautiful and riding that maternity glow—but there were faint shadows under her eyes. She’d mentioned earlier that she’d barely slept. It was true. She looked worryingly thin. I didn’t tell her that, of course.
“Speaking of safety.” I checked my watch. “We need to go.” I reached for the half-packed suitcase. “Do you still have much left?”
“Only a couple more things. By the way…where are we going?”
“Sid’s en route from London to Mumbai. He’ll meet us at the hotel, then we’ll all go to Kolkata. We need to speak to your father. I’ll explain everything.” I folded a pair of satin pants. “Later.”
“Why the rush?” Her brow furrowed. “You seem…keyed up.”
“I’m not,” I lied. “Just jet-lagged, that’s all.”
Traffic was congealed.
“How much longer to the Oberoi?” I asked.
The driver smirked in the mirror. “Marine Drive’s blocked. Shah Rukh Khan’s promoting his new film.”
“Fantastic.” I rubbed my temple.
“Can we try via Pedder Road?” Saanya suggested. “Might be less crowded.”
“I wish we could, ma’am, but part of it collapsed near the flyover. It’s all over the news.”
I sighed. “What about a parallel route?”
“That was my initial thought, but fate isn’t on our side today. The only parallel road is locked down to control the crowd.” He shook his head. “Couldn’t be worse timing.” He touched his fingers to his chest. “It seems Bhagwan has different plans for you ladies.”
I forced a smile.
“Sorry,” Saanya murmured, squeezing my forearm. “I know you’re exhausted.”
Which only highlighted what a brooding dragon I’d become. After months apart and countless nights worrying over her and the baby, here she was—safe—and I was on the verge of throwing a tantrum over traffic. How very American of me.
I squeezed back. “I just want a shower and a bed.”
Her hand slid to my thigh. And my body did what it now did around her: misbehave.
Her bare ring finger caught my eye. The ruby was gone, replaced by two thin, gold stacking bands—one below her knuckle.
“What about Maulana Shaukat Ali Road?” she asked the driver, tapping the map on her phone.
“Already tried while you were both on the call earlier.” The driver shook his head. “It’s blocked off. An IPS officer told me they’re keeping it closed to control the crowd.”
“So every conceivable route to the Oberoi is barricaded.” I sighed. “Just splendid.”
“Unless…” She bit back a smile.
I narrowed my eyes. “Why are you looking at me like that?”
She laughed. “Like what?”
“That look. The one you made each time you had a late-night craving. The one you make right before getting exactly what you want.”
She bit her lip, clearly enjoying herself. “Ravi lives just down the next street. We could walk.”
The driver perked up. “Which lane, madam? I can try to squeeze through.”
I bit my cheek. Shah Rukh Khan and…Ravi. The irony.
Saanya laced our fingers. In the dim backseat, the driver couldn’t see a thing—not that I cared. Her touch was warm, reassuring—and smug. She was definitely holding back laughter.
“He’s our only option,” she said, sweet as sin, and pointed out the window at a run-down hotel with peeling paint. “Unless...”
Two men in flip-flops leaned idly against a battered sign that read: Hamare bistar lagbhag naye hain—Our beds are almost like new.
“They even throw in a complimentary chai in the morning,” she added, mouth twitching.
I narrowed my eyes. “You’re so clever. It has half a star, Saanya.”
“So?”
I exhaled. “Just…call him.”
Ravi was absurdly delighted: to see Saanya, and—God help him—to see me. The man had the survival instincts of an eager Labrador. He carried our suitcases upstairs, which I chose to count as penance for existing. Not that it was heroic. There was an elevator.
He had two bedrooms, and both Saanya and I refused to take his.
“We can manage,” I said, spotting the comfortable-looking chair in the guest room he’d given us. It faced the sea. Thoughtful. Saanya loved window-gazing.
Sidharth would end up on the sofa when he finally made it to Mumbai. His flight was due in at some ungodly hour.
The shower was glorious—heat and steam unwinding the last few days from my bones.
When I stepped out towel-drying my hair, Saanya stood at the open window, wind tugging at her silk pajamas, stray strands of hair lifting.
She’d showered first.
“No flannel tonight?” I said.
“You’re oh so funny.”
She smirked, then sighed, turning back to the windy view. “Forty-fifth floor. I don’t know how he does it.”
She looked more relaxed now, but I hadn’t missed the way her eyes had flickered away when I walked out of the bathroom just now. I moved toward my open suitcase on the marble floor.
“Well, the guy must be doing something right with his online gardening show.”
Saanya chuckled. “Cooking.”
“Right.”
She shot me a look, then—too casual—said, “We could sleep together, if you’re comfortable. The bed’s big enough.”
I looked up from my suitcase.
“I-I mean…” She blushed. “We don’t have to. It was just that—”
“Sure,” I said. My eyes dropping to her belly. “If you’re comfortable.”
She smiled faintly. “Oh, I’ve accepted I won’t be comfortable until he’s out.”
I pulled out a short silk piece, but as I assessed the situation at hand, my cheeks heated. Not this. Not with how my body was reacting to Saanya’s touches and closeness.
I reached for a pair of yoga pants and a top instead.
“Isn’t that too tight to sleep in?” Saanya asked. “Here,” she said, already digging into her suitcase and pulling out an old, worn-out Arsenal shirt.
“This looks awfully familiar.”
“It was Sid’s. I stole it when I was sixteen and never gave it back. I used to sleep in it up until the pregnancy.” She shrugged. “I mean, if you don’t mind that it isn’t chic. You did make a fuss over me liking to sleep in merino wool.”
“I thought it was fleece. Though perhaps it was the flannel that threw me off.”
“How very lesbian of me.” She winked.
The cheeky minx made me blush.
“Well.” I took the shirt and gave her a tired smile. “Right now, my body screams for comfortable, not chic.”
She studied my face. “You look exhausted,” she said softly.
“I am.” My body ached for sleep, but more than that—for her. “Lie with me?”
She stilled, then nodded. “Yeah.”
The bed was an island above the jeweled sprawl of the city. A quiet pocket that was only ours.
My life had never gone quite like this.
Her head found my shoulder, and our hands found each other. Finger to finger, my thumb tracing, her other hand drawing light patterns along my arm, sending ripples through my skin.
I closed my eyes, feeling it—the quiet burn coiling at the base of my spine. I pressed my cheek to her hair. She couldn’t see my face.
I swallowed.
This was like a language I’d always wanted to learn but had no idea how to speak.
“Thank you for getting me out,” she murmured.
“You would have left on your own merit,” I said, lulled by the glint of Saanya’s stacking rings. “You seemed very determined when I arrived.”
“I was suffocating.” She sighed. “Now I can breathe again.”
“Good,” I said, and smiled into her hair.
“Naomi?”
“Mm?”
“How did you find him? Harrow, is it?”
I’d hoped she wouldn’t ask. She’d endured enough for several lifetimes.
The last twenty hours had been grueling. It wasn’t hard to feel Harrow’s breath close enough again, like damp ash, and hear him cynically smirk the words: “Even I have a mother. So if ye care for the lass, get her out o’ the Singhs’ house before midnight tonight.”
I had barely made it when I instructed George to stop the car. I stumbled out to the shoulder of the road before the fear tightening inside me finally emptied my stomach. I hunched over, shaking, gasping for air as his words replayed in my head over and over.
What good would come from infecting her with the most disturbing thing I’d ever gone through? Some truths are a kind of disease—once you take them in, you can’t scrub them out.
Feeling the softness of Saanya’s sleeve against my palm was a warm, grounding weight. I let my fingers sink into the fabric, and finally looked her in the eyes.
“I called in a favor,” I said carefully. “Remember Victoria Hale?”
“Thera Corp’s CEO?” she asked, shifting enough to look up.
“Her brother turned out to be a dark web dealer.”
“It must have been terrifying,” she whispered, resting her head on me again. “You alone, face to face with those criminals. I’m sorry.”
It had been. I had never—not even after the visceral shock of losing both my parents at the same time—vomited from fear.
The deadline he’d given me before his convoy of criminals attacked was closing in, though.
Who had made it out of the Singhs’ house? At least I’d warned Anjali to clear out the staff. Whether she’d warned the Singhs, I didn’t know. It wasn’t my problem now. My only business was Saanya and the baby.
I pressed my lips to her temple and lied. “It wasn’t so bad.”
26
NEVER HAVE I EVER
SAANYA
I couldn’t believe it.
This was Naomi’s hand in mine. Her long fingers, warm and soft, fitting perfectly with my own. I watched the small, unhurried strokes of her thumb over my knuckles and kept asking myself the same question: had tonight—her confession back at the Singhs—been a dream?
I had longed for this—for her—for so long.
Now she was here. I listened to her heartbeat, steady and alive beneath me. Something in me finally loosened.
“By the way,” I murmured, tracing a circle on her wrist. “Sid rang while you were in the shower. He should be here just before sunrise. Ravi will get the door.”
“Speaking of Ravi,” Naomi said, voice lower, sleep-sanded, “he’s awfully quiet for his usual loitering.”
“That’s because he went to see Shah Rukh Khan.” I smiled into her shoulder. Even tired, she still tried to tease, but her comebacks were weak, like she was running out of battery.
The warmth of her body and the scent of her shampoo, fresh and sophisticated, set my body alight. It was like ringing alarms had me fully awake.
Boldness swelled, a breath behind regret for the chances I’d dodged. Twice, I’d let the moment pass when she’d leaned in. Twice, I’d hesitated.
I could have been doing this all along.
“Naomi…” I ran my fingers down the inside of her forearm. Her skin was impossibly soft.
A shiver rippled up my spine. “I want…I want to kiss you,” I whispered.
Silence.
When I saw her fingers had stilled, my heart started to race.
“Never mind, I—”
The steady lift of her chest answered me.
I pushed up on an elbow. “Naomi?”
The sight took me apart. Naomi, so often sharp and untouchable, had softened completely in sleep, lashes dark on her cheeks. I traced the line of her jaw with a folded finger and let my thumb brush the lips I’d wanted for so many years.
I pressed a long kiss to her cheek and breathed her in.
Then I reached past her and turned off the lamp.
My skin prickled, pulling me from sleep, and for a second I couldn’t tell why.
I squinted through the mild darkness; the window was open, warm air stirring the curtains.
Then I felt it. A touch I already knew.
Her fingers drifted along my sleeve to the small of my waist, and the silk of my top made every slow pass into a hum.
Lying on my back, I turned my head on the pillow to look at her. Our eyes met in the dim pre-dawn that had stilled the room. The furniture stood like gaunt, motionless shadows around us.
She hovered over me, halfway propped on her elbow.
“Hmm…” I exhaled, stroking her hair, cradling her warm cheek in my palm.
Beneath our shared duvet, I was cocooned in our heat, but Naomi seemed only just to be slipping back under it. Her toes, cool against my leg, made me shiver again. Had she been up?
Squinting, I murmured, “What time is it?” I shifted, trying to roll onto my side, only to frustrate myself.
Naomi held my hand as I adjusted the pillow.
I let out a heavy breath. “I’m so ready for him to come out. Don’t get me wrong, I love my son, but this is getting more unbearable by the second.”
“You are nine months pregnant. You’ve earned your right to complain.” Naomi’s gentle voice matched mine, only she sounded more awake than I did. “It’s a little after 5:00 a.m. Sid called. I opened the door for him about an hour ago. We stayed up for a while, talking. He just crashed with Ravi.”
